I want to talk to his Ex...

[Psychologika]

DP and I have been together about a year. We are both going through divorce at the moment, and he still lives in the family home (as recommended by his solicitor).

In terms of the financial settlement, his soon to be ex wife is being seeming unfair and harsh. It’s as if she actually hates him. In terms of history, they split because she had an affair, and continues to do so.

I know I shouldn’t, and I’m sure I won’t, but part of me wants to talk to her. Not about their finances, but I want to understand why she hates him so much. I’ve never had the slightest doubt about DP, but her attitude towards him makes me worry there is something more about their relationship that I don’t know. Obviously I’ve ask him, but he thinks it’s because she just wants the house and a large settlement/ spousal maintenance.

She hates him because he fucked her over making her resort to an affair. Them's the breaks. You don't honestly believe he's mr perfect, do you? He wouldn't be her leftovers if that was the case.

he fucked her over making her resort to an affair.

How do you "make" someone have an affair? If things were that bad she should have just moved out and divorced him. You can't make someone cheat.

My ex left for other woman. Lied and tried to screw me over financially. I don’t hate him. I feel nothing for him. Our children hate him and haven’t seen him for over 2 years. But they were older teenagers when he left. I never said one bad word about him but they were old enough and wise enough to make their own minds up. The fact you are questioning this is not good

The financial settlement will have nothing to do with their relationship and what went on. Her having an affair will be irrelevant. They'll look at what they both need to live on, who the children will mainly reside with, their incomes and future earning potential. Courts usually prefer to award more of the assets rather than an ongoing spousal maintenance payment. And things like her staying home and taking care of the children whilst he built his career will come into it.

I'm about to start divorce proceedings with my ex. He cheated many times but that will be irrelevant as far as the financial settlement is concerned. He commutes to London and earns a lot of money. He was never around as he was out of the house from 5am-8pm. I worked full time when my eldest was born but got made redundant when I was pregnant with my youngest. I had 4 years at home then went back to work part time. The children are with me 90% of the time. When I was at home looking after the children he was able to build his career because I supported him and managed the children and home. I will never get the same chances career wise because I am the one who has to be there for the children. I will be asking for spousal maintenance at a fair rate. I've gone back to work full time now but I'm still the one who has to pick our 8 year old up from ASC before 6.

We actually have a good relationship now, we do things with the children 1-2 times a week. He's living with a woman he's been seeing on and off for 15 years. We had a bit of a row about the house as he said he needed his equity to buy somewhere else but I said I wouldn't be able to buy as property where we live is so expensive that I couldn't buy a 1 bed flat on my salary.

He's now moving to a house up the road from me, it's all in his girlfriends name alone and he says he wants me to be able to stay in the house. I suspect this is because his solicitor has told him he won't be able to make me sell until our youngest is 18. Whatever the reason it's good for our children.

I went a bit off-topic there, sorry. What I was trying to say is that there are two sides to every story and you don't know what sacrifices she made during their marriage to enable him to get where he is. I used to be the one with the better job and higher salary but because I became the stay at home parent I'll never be able to get there again.