DP and u have been together a number of years and have 2 DCs together. We've avoided a wedding for a few reasons: babies, finances but probably more so because of family.
The thought of organising a wedding stresses me out, however DP and I have agreed that it's what we would like to do. DPs small family are quite well-to-do but no real problems in terms of who to invite etc.
Mine are a completely different ball game. Both my mother and father have a large number of siblings and some of them are quite rough and ready if you know what I mean. One of my mother's sisters and her husband have been rude to DP and I the last 3 times I've seen them at their sons weddings and at my grandfather's funeral. Each time, they confronted DP and I for sitting too close to the front and asked us to move! Making us feel quite embarrassed and like inferior family members. My Aunt is someone everyone is the family appears to love, but she's actually quite nasty at heart, a side I saw regularly growing up. She even once sent me an aggressive birthday card, which inside it, accused me of calling her names behind her back when I was 12. A recent disagreement regarding her treatment of my elderly grandmother has also caused a big rift between us. I find her very manipulative and always have done.
If I were to invite my mother's other siblings and not her, I've no doubt world war 2 would ensue. But I'm really not sure I want people present at my wedding who aren't sincerely happy for us. However I would like to invite one of my aunt's son's, which would no doubt cause more problems.
My father's side is similar, but I would be reluctant to invite one of his brothers who had an affair with my mother behind his back for years. My father still doesn't know. My uncle knows that I know and rather than actually be a bit kinder, I'm met with sarcastic remarks and digs about me being a "problem child" whenever I see him. Again, I get along well with his children and would want to invite them but this would be frowned upon. Not to mention the stress for my elderly grandparents who wouldn't understand why I was cutting out certain aunts and uncles on both sides.
My parents are pretty useless when it comes to taking my side, probably why these relatives were able to be so unkind to me over the years. My mother in particular is quite a toxic woman, like my Aunt.
DP and I have discussed getting married abroad to reduce family upheavel and keeping things small, but why should we? We have plenty of friends and other family whom we would like to attend. What should I do? Just invite everyone and not be picky about who attends? Or only invite who I want to and risk family meltdowns? It puts me off getting married at times!