Why is housework such a difficult concept?

[Freshfaced85]

Exactly the title. Why is it so hard for my husband?
Do other people have the same problem?

Every Tuesday I go to an exercise group (only just started going) so dh picks up dd from nursery, does tea and bedtime.
I tend to be home when it's story time so end up doing a final story and finishing off bedtime. Dh takes the dog out while I do this.
But then I'm the one who washes up as he just goes to his room to do his hobby.
Tonight we had tea and I had to nip out after dds bedtime. I come back and yet again he's in his room doing his hobby with plates in the living room, washing up still to do.
He commented that I should just sit down and leave it til later (this was at 9:30pm), but it's the same thing on a cycle. As soon as he can he is straight off to do his hobby with no thought about any other things that need to be done.

On Tuesday, yes I went out for some "me" time so he had charge of dd, but he could have washed up whilst I was finishing bedtime. I've not had "me" time on a regular basis in about 4 years so I don't think I'm expecting much.

He does (and has for the past 10 years) gone out each week for the evening (returning at about 11:30pm) to see his friends. Even since dd was born I havent stopped him. On these nights I do bedtime, wash up, chores. How come if I can do it when he goes out, yet he can't when I do?
It's so bloody frustrating. I've tried everything to get him to grow up and help but it lasts for a week and it's back to normal.

oddmanout I'm fine with him going out to do his hobby. If we have nothing on then he's welcome to go out several times a week, but we do have a child to look after and a home to run so I think as an adult you have to expect to give and take.
As I said, he's goes out to do his hobby once a week and has done so for the past 10 years. The going to his room for his hobby is in addition to that.
Me going out to exercise is the first activity I have done regularly since dd arrived 4 years ago (I'm on week 5) and is not only an attempt to be fit and healthy but also make friends as I have struggled to do so since moving here.
We tend to have one cooks whilst the other runs round with dd and plays so we are both busy doing something useful.
It was supposed to be that I washed up 4 days a week and he did 3 (why I gave myself the extra day, I don't know, I guess I assumed that he would be more likely to stick to it if he had the better deal) and I tend to cook every night while he "watches" dd (sits in front of the TV with his phone 70% of the time)
On a Thursday I do it while he is out, but he rarely does while I'm out on my night.
I've made a rod for my own back in reality. I've let him get away with it for far too long that he's used to not bothering.

I agree that we will have different priorities, but I have said several times that chores need doing on a regular basis. I don't expect it to be to my standards, just as long as he's doing his share and not cutting corners trying to get away with as little as possible.
I get that he won't clean things until he can see the dirt in a big pile (that's him and he'd never had to do anything growing up), but if I've said to him that this or that should be cleaned weekly then you'd think he'd have the brain to not need to be constantly told years later.
I'll start getting tough and lay it out to him what I expect as an adult sharing a home with someone. I'll spell out the consequences and I'll just have to get tough.
I think he knows I'll crack first so he gets away with it.
Just hope it doesn't impact too much on dd

Stop doing anything that he doesn’t do. It will get bad, but you have to be strong and ignore the mess, washing up, tidying up. Say for three months. Dd can be dirty for a bit, and eat a bit more junk food.

Put yourself first, go out more. Start booking things on his hobby night, with a couple weeks warning.

He’s never going to get better with words. Action is required.

Or carry on as you are, feeling resentful and fucked off for th next 10 years. It will only get worse. Then have to pay for Botox to smooth out the frown lines (I have friends in this situ).

You can’t change his bahavior. Only yours

Agree with poster who said its because he won't have to face it next morning. My dh is retired now and does most of housework. Its funny to see him fussing around a night putting everything in its place as doesnt want to face it next morning. He never would have seen that before. He is constantly doing bits so wont be overloaded just like l did for years.
But l think dads are as responsible as dms. My dad did housework babies stuff et c and my dbs have followed that pattern. Role models are important.
Op could you pull back from doing stuff eg cooking every day and let the burden move over to him more.

This is very difficult and annoying because when you do jobs you do them right.

My dh washes and dries clothes.

I wash, dry, iron and place dcs clothes into piles (outfits)

There is a difference. Then you have everyone saying 'isn't he great'. Yet he never irons my stuff - ever !!!!

Bloody hell wobbly, don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

Eg that's not bad going at all that he does the washing and drying. Added extra if he does ironing and preparing outfits.. Who does that?? I don't