Trust

[Cobblersandhogwash]

If you can’t trust anyone, you’re just destined to be lonely forever, aren’t you?

It’s so annoying because the reason you can’t trust is because of people - they take away not only the present but the future trust in other people too.

I mean, you’d be a sucker to trust again when you keep getting kicked in the teeth.

Cobbler, I am sorry i take it you have been hurt badly? I feel the same as you. I was betrayed by my H that i had been with for 18 years. But this feeling went on to ruin subsequent relationships as i couldn't trust. The advice i have been given is that we could get hurt regardless. A new partnwr may never cheat or betray our trust, it just might not work out. So we just have to put ourselves out there. I haven't successfully managed this yet though. A good friend is also like this and has a new long term partner but always holds a part of herself back iyswim.

It’s not just the holding back. It’s the anxiety and the projection that is hard to let go of.

Constantly generating worst case scenarios. It’s torture.

I’d like to be free of it. Not to enjoy another relationship but just to be free of that source of anxiety. It must be amazing to live like that.

I agree Cobbler. Every man in my life has cheated on me. Every single one. So then you think what is the common denominator. Me. I just hope my little girls don’t experience what I have gone through.

I wonder if there is a brain cleansing type programme available like for fear of flying. I could really do with that.

Yes, I agree.

I've only ever truly trusted one man and we were only together for a few months. It ended very recently. He didn't let me down and would never have lied to me, but the reasons that meant I trusted him were the same reasons that meant it would never have worked long term.

Now I know what it feels like to trust someone, I will never tolerate a relationship with the anxiety again. But as I know that I will never trust anyone again... I shan't be trying.

Yes i imagine worst case scenaris too and am too embarrassed to write what they have made me do in the past. Luckily my friends know my crazy so i can go through these play outs with them. I hate what my exH has done to me in that way.

So sad to hear all these stories. Yet so glad it's not just me. The worst thing is when you really do make a huge effort to trust, therapy and everything.... And then they break it anyway. It's like falling from a great height.