Back on tinder 3 days after we broke up...

[OhShit2017]

...whilst I’m still miscarrying his baby. I ended it because of his lack of support over the pregnancy/miscarriage. He is a single dad and had so little spare time that he just wasn’t there for me in any way, even on the phone.

I ended it on Friday, and met with him to exchange our stuff. I cried, we held hands, he cried, but I knew it wasn’t worth trying to work it out because of the situation he’s in and having no free time (he is going through a divorce and is trying to get to grips with being on his own 100% of the time with 3 kids).

He messaged me over the weekend to say he was ‘very sad’ and to see if I was ok.

Last night he went to a hotel near the airport he was flying from this morning, on a holiday with his kids. I reinstalled tinder (which is where I met him) and lo and behold his distance had changed, meaning he had been on the app in that location. Within an hour of getting off the plane it had changed again to where he is now.

Feel so hurt, have now blocked him, can’t believe it took him 3 days to decide to get out there and try and find someone else. Guess he’s magically found some time now, when he couldn’t even whatsapp me back when I was on a mess over the pregnancy/miscarriage.

I’m still bleeding ffs! Have blocked him now, obviously.

Your feelings about the pregnancy were all normal, all natural and all valid.

I know that now having your DP reject you while you're going through a miscarriage must be a kick in the teeth.

You will get over this break-up. He sounds like an arsehole, so you're better off. I know that doesn't help the heartache right now, but it will in time. Give yourself time.

Problem is, deep down, I don’t think he is an arsehole. He’s just having a shit time of it and this was one stress too many, and he couldn’t cope with it.

Aargh I’m still defending him. Would be much easier to stick to the arsehole narrative.

OP - you need to focus on yourself, and your recovery. And on your two children.
Your Ex - you barely knew him - you’ve only been dating for 4 months, he is not even divorced and had full-time reasponsibility for 3 children. And it seems that (rightly) his kids are his priority.
And he had nothing left for you and your feelings. And, while, it felt understandably bad for you - it’s hard to really blame him.

It doesn’t matter why he is on Tinder. You need to move on. It’s only been 4 months. It’ll pass.

I know it will pass. It just feels like I’ve had one kick in the teeth after another the last few weeks from him. Have now unmatched him on tinder and deleted the app so I can’t see what he’s doing on there. And blocked on whatsapp, which I did earlier.

Guess I’ve just got to go with the sadness until it passes.

@Josuk yes he sounds like a prize jerk.

Honey. You just have to cry and feel the pain until it passes. Break-ups are horrible. Your emotions, particularly given pregnancy hormones are way up in the sky there somewhere.
It will pass. Believe me I know that it passes. I promise it will pass. Just cry and sleep and eat your way through it. Or run if that's your thing. I guarantee you it will pass.

Thanks, yes I feel a bit of a mess right now. Running isn’t really my thing but cider has been helping! I know I’ll be alright, tomorrow’s another day. Am going to try and get some sleep now.

You need to stop focusing on him & focus on yourself. You owe each other nothing.

The Tinder is kind of a red herring though. He was going through a divorce, a newly single Dad and you only met him in Feb? That's very fast to be pregnant. Not saying he has done the right thing but he was probably feeling very overwhelmed with it all.

Your mind will be going crazy creating scenarios where he is running off with another woman to fall madly in love with but reality will probably be far removed from that so you need to take a deep breath and focus on yourself. He is none of your business now.

Men see sex as a way of forgetting the ex after hurt. Men like me don’t deal with emotions very well. We never have.

So instead we turn to sex and having sex with the next available person. That then gives us a confidence boost and helps us get over the raw emotions we are feeling.

For example men when they are extremely sad can get either really angry or inconsolably sad. There is no middle ground for men.

Same with a break up. He wants to know that someone else will want him. He wants to know he can still pull etc...

Although I would say. If you download tinder you are just as guilty as he is. Even if you just went on to see if he was on it....but I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

Willing using his own understanding to speak for all 'men' there.

Sorry about the miscarriage. However I will say after every breakup (I'm a woman if that makes a difference) I always have rebound sex rightly or wrongly! It doesn't mean I didn't care a lot for my ex, it just makes me feep better (I know I'll probably get flamed for that, but I enjoy sex and it makes me feel wanted!) My ex's don't ever know about it and it wouldn't occur to me that they would check up on my to see what I was using.

He sounds like he's putting his kids first which is the best thing he can do. You'll move on soon from him. I think it's possible the upset from the miscarriage is manifesting itself in upset about the ex if that makes sense?

But you are on Tinder already too!

Delete it and forget about it. You have split up so he can do whatever he likes really (however harsh that feels). Take time to look after yourself. You are the most important thing x