What should I do

[packofshunts]

Bit of background.

BiL (DH’s brother) was married for the 2nd time a year ago.
They had been together 2 years, engaged 6 months.

Last month he told DH that he regrets marrying her, felt railroaded into it, and that they have nothing in common. He will be leaving her “at some convenient point”.

Ok, so that’s sad but not my business.

However what has got my blood is that this has coincided with finding himself someone else, and even being introduced to this OW’s family. He has it all planned out to move in with her when he leaves his wife.

Even more disrespectful (IMO) is that all his friends and family know yet he still hasn’t told his wife.

I feel horrendous for her ; I am quite sure she doesn’t have a clue.

BiL has a significant birthday coming up and she has arranged a huge party for him. Can just see one of BiL’s pissed mates telling her on the night and humiliating her.

Part of me is well aware it’s none of my business but a bigger part just wants to string BiL by his balls and force him to tell her before this excruciating facade of a party.

DH has tried talking to him but BiL is so emotionally selfish and immature that all he can think about his himself. He doesn’t seem to comprehend at all how his wife would feel about what’s going on.

I like her; she is much younger than him and very sweet. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this and I so want her to know what’s going on (as I would want to know).

Don’t know what to do

In that case, and the fact you have given twatty BIL plenty of opportunity to do it himself, I think you and DH should tell her. But tell BIL first.

DH firmly believes it’s not our place to tell and has asked me not to.

If we do (and tell BiL we are) the fallout could be huge across the whole family.

DH knows I’m disgusted, BiL knows I’m disgusted. Twat

Why then are you complying with your H?

His views reflect badly on him.

DH is putting self interest and his family relationships above BIL’s wife.

I think you need to tell dh you are telling her. Don't let her go to that party & be made a fool (obv bil is the real fool)

I told someone once about their partner. Got beaten up for it by that same someone. I had never had thought them capable of such aggression. Please don't go and tell her, leave an anonymous non traceble note if it feels important to you.