'parenting' style clash

[RachelBee]

This feels bizarre that I've taken to a website to try and sort this one out but here goes!

I don't mind my kids having TV or computer games if they've been outside for most of the day - playing, running around etc. Or if we're inside playing games, doing homework, messing around etc.

My husband has a different idea. He works hard so he's tired and will give the kids TV and laptops all the time. I think he does this to keep them quiet and because it earns him easy brownie points.

It causes massive arguments in our house. Full blown shouting at each other. And I don't know how to handle it any longer.

Today I took the kids out and we had a great day, no computers or TV until we got home, late afternoon. When H got home I asked him not to give them the iPad as they had had enough and were tired and could go to bed. Later on I realised he had given them the iPad at bedtime, after I had spent time reading them a story and settling them.

This is a daily occurrence.

I don't even think its the issue anymore, it just seems to be a way to undermine me. I feel like I put all the effort into making sure the kids have a fun and healthy lifestyle and he puts in zero effort. My DS has a mobile car kit that he has had for ages - and he can' be bothered to make it with him. I regularly leave it on the table and it just sits there.

It really, really upsets me. I often feel like a single parent. I'm trying to broach the subject of taking a holiday next year but he won't even book time off work at the moment despite me asking for the past two months for some dates.

I just don't get it. It seems so trivial but I know deep down that its probably making bigger issues.

Any advice on handling this parenting style clash would be amazing.

Could you agree to less screen time Monday - Friday and a bit less strict on the week ends?

John Gottman is amazing, go google him. He's written loads of books.

www.gottman.com/blog/5-steps-to-fight-better-if-your-relationship-is-worth-fighting-for/

You only want tgem to have screen time after they'd been out/active all day.

They had been out/active all day, so what exactly was the issue with them having screen time?

And bed time in the late afternoon?

How old are your DC? I had a computer from the age of 8 (ZX Spectrum+). And I could spend hours on it. But I also could spend hours outside with friends, go to camp with youth groups etc. This computer was in my bedroom and I had an old B&W TV and then a colour one.

What is your fear of computers and television?

To be honest I think from the other things you have written (does he the car kit for example?) there are other problems.

You both need to communicate better. Start by not having full blown shouting at each other when a child gets to see an ipad screen for a wee while.

You say its a parenting clash in your title, but its not. You want him to do as you tell him in regards to the children.

Im not saying his word is final or that yours, it should be meeting in the middle.

Full blown shouting at each other is more damaging than the children having a quick hour on the tablet/laptop/tv

Thanks for advice.

To clarify - they watched TV & played on computers when they got home and then we had tea, played games and it was creeping towards 8pm when they finally headed up to bed.

I have no fear of them watching TV or computers but I get frustrated when I seem to be doing all the work and H contributes very little aside from giving them more TV/Computers.

We live in a rural area with no friends for my boy to play with unless we invite them over (which we do regularly). So just don't want to get them into the habit that the computer/TV is a substitute when they're not being entertained.

Thanks for book advice - have ordered it. X

I'd be very annoyed about the iPad just before bed thing - the blueish light of device screens makes it a lot harder to get to sleep after you've used one.

Which book OP?