If you don't have a mum, who do you ask?

[TedSquawks]

Not sure if this is the right topic. Apologies if not.

For reasons I won't go into here I've not had a mum since I was 12. I also don't have any female relations so no sister, aunts etc. I do have a MIL who is definitely no monster but her priority is her son and her dgs which I get but just to paint the picture.

Sometimes I feel people think once you are past a certain age you don't necessarily need a mum to ask things but increasingly I wish I did.

It's usually daft stuff like random baking questions that I feel like everyone else knows. Before anyone says it I know every mother isn't a delia smith Mary popping type!

Anyway to answer my own question I ask on here usually! Grateful I have it really. Just feel a bit sad today about it. Don't know why as I'm sitting here feeding my new baby DD and have a lovely ds and great DH.

Just wondered if anyone can relate

Sometimes I feel sad that I don't have a mum to talk to.
Especially when my DD asks things like "which stories did your mum read to you as a kid?", or when I was pregnant.

Same issue here - no mum since early childhood and no aunties or sisters either.

I guess I used to ask my friend's mums when I was younger but I never felt I got a true answer (unless it was about cooking!). Friends I guess but I think I have largely hid my real questions and pretended they didn't need asking - not talking about cookery etc (google is my friend) but real life things. Tried counselling and that did help but, again, never felt like I got a truly honest loving response.

I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I have held unrealistic expectations about what 'normal' families provide. My inlaws have been a crushing disappointment if I am really honest - and what pushed me into counselling.

I think those of us who lose our mums at a young age or have mums who weren't really there for other reasons may always feel a hole somehow. I'm trying to move towards accepting that rather than filling it.

I google things, or ask MN! It is hard though, I have had health related queries and my dad hasn’t had a clue - he hasn’t got the faintest idea if I’ve had chicken pox etc. I actually ended up asking my best friends mum as she has known me all my life. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about really personal stuff either, it can be tough sometimes.

My mum died when I was 11, she was a great Baker and cook (she won a trip to Paris through her cooking skills when I was 6) I miss having someone to ask parenting or cooking advice to. MIL is a self centered unreliable so and so who only cares about her next drink. It's a shame my Dc won't have the type of Gran my DM would have been. There's loads I miss about not having my DM around. I have an auntie I'm close to but it's not the same when you feel like a bit of an outsider to their own family.

My mum died when I was 22 and I don't miss her. I've always relied on friends or myself.

I have very little contact with my mum.
I turn to a very good friend who is 65+. She's a bit batty though mostly wise and kind. Mumsnet also great!

Yep. I ask google.

I wish I still spoke to my Mum or Sister sometimes. I don’t have any close female friends these days either as they or I have moved too far away for much contact.

It’s lonely 😔

I have no dm, mil or any relatives except dh and dc. Google is my friend as I have none of those either!!
Just the way it is for some I guess.

I once looked into being adopted as an adult, I was so desperate for parental love. I think it can be done. It looked extremely complicated, though.

I also google everything.

Pinterest and I are also on good terms 😊

I do have a mum but I don't ask her these things - I normally google them TBH Or I ask here or on facebook groups where I feel I'm among friends. I prefer to get a range of responses, getting just one seems a bit... limited?

Hello all xx I'm a motherless child too, suffered terrible complex child abuse for years at the hands of mother.

Luckily like so many here I was sort of informally adopted into someone else's family and now I'm the youngest adult child! That lady has done more for me than anyone ever x retired nurse, great cook, can 'see' things etc x

My mum is not my friend either.

I have had to go to great lengths over the years to keep her out of my life and my brain.

I have never felt the need to ask her anything. For as long as I remember I have been primarily concerned with shielding myself from her knowing me...

I mourn the loss of a mum who cares for me, who I can share myself with, who loves me for me but mostly I am ok with knowing who my real mum actually is. Sometimes I feel sad, usually when I meet someone else’s mum who is an actual mum...

For me though I know that isn’t possible because my actual mum is a nightmare. It is all about keeping myself (and dc) safe re my actual mum. That feeling simply dominates any thoughts I have about mother daughter relationships... I don’t have room to think about what I might be missing most of the time.

My mum died when I was in my early 20s, 7 years ago. I have since had daughter and now pregnant with my second. I found it hard not having her to ask different things or having that support when I was struggling. Everyone else seems to expect you to be fine. But I do have younger sister I can talk to but she can't really give much advise and I find she has needed my help more.
I have my mum's sister I can talk to but she is busy herself and has her own daughters so not quite the same.

I get upset every time I make lasagne as I used to ring up and ask what order the layers go. Can never remember! I also used to send her photo of plants in my garden and say “plant or weed?” And she’d tell me. My mum died 3 and a bit years ago now. I don’t often cook lasagne and my garden is a mess; I wonder if I’ve subconsciously done that?

I do have two sisters but they don’t live close. Although I have close friends I’m not a phone person so don’t call them to chat and mainly whatsapp my sisters. So now I mainly google or ask on here or on my local forum. I’d never ask MIL.

I ask google. My so-called mum was shit at baking.

I'm sorry for those of you whose mums have died or you're non contact with.

I have a mum, she's a nice enough person, just a bit shit at the emotionally supportive mum stuff. Always has been, and I didn't really realise till having kids and seeing how involved other grandparents are, and how friends are actually close to their mums and can talk about stuff and ask for advice. I'm closer to my dad and will happily have a pint and a good chat with him but get the mum chats with friends or on here.