Should you stay together for the sake of the children

[MissMiss1]

I'm in a relationship with my partner of 17 yrs and have two children. In the beginning it was exciting, it was a long distance relationship and fun.
But as time has gone on it's gone downhill
We now have two children, we hardly talk when the children are not around. We sleep in separate beds, spend the evenings apart once the children have gone to bed.
I love him when he's not being mean but I'm not IN love with him
I feel like I need something more in my life, I need to feel wanted and loved.
But it would break my children's heart if we split
Do I put my happiness first, or theirs? 😢

No! But ffs dont ask the DC's... you cannot put that kind of pressure on them. Seriously. You only get one life and you do deserve to happy but this has to be yours and your DH's decision. Your children shouldnt be party to this decision.

Staying together for the kids is such a bad idea. My mum was/still is in a very unhealthy emotionally abusive relationship. I can't tell you how badly it has affected me and my own ability to have normal healthy relationships. I'm currently divorcing my stbx to save my girls from same fate.

No.

Thank you all so much for you advise
I'm scared about bringing up the subject, I don't know how to start the conversation.
I know he won't like it, he'll tell the children that it's my fault
😢

Schedule in time when you feel comfortable when you can talk. Do it when the children are in bed. Explain how unhappy you are and that you wish to discuss your options- if he does kick off and say anything to the children you just need to stay calm. Remind him though when your talking that your talking things over.....
you cannot stay like this forever. It’s not fair on any of you.

My sister stayed with her partner for the sake of their kids & the kids behaviour got worse rapidly. The kids noticed something was different at home & they began resenting my sister. It’s not worth staying.

How old are your children?

I think there's an important difference between just staying and actually deciding to stay together when you both make that decision and you both see it as a chance for renewal. In those circumstances it can be a really good thing.

But just putting up with the same old shit isn't going to make anyone properly happy.

My H left 1.5 years ago and I am grateful for that. He continued to live his single life when married and I as DC were growing up they started noticing that daddy does not help at home, does not take them out, does not eat together etc. It was starting to become a really bad example. There wasn't any abuse though. When he left, I cried for a bit and then breathed a sight of relief. ExH continues to live his single presentable lifestyle. He is hardly present for our DC, and when he is, he likes boasting, while are are barely scraping by. He wanted to get back together and I felt that DC would appreciate that (at least short-term), but I couldn't bare to think that he will revert to his old ways. So I refused to give in a 2nd chance. I do feel massive guilt, but I think ultimately I am doing the right thing.

My parents stayed together until my younger brother had passed his GCSEs, then split. I wish they'd done it years before as the atmosphere at home was awful and we weren't like a 'normal' family, separated parents is completely normal these days

Thank you ladies for all your advise
It truly is appreciated
I honestly feel I'm at a cross roads and need to decide which way to go 😩

Perhaps you might want to see a counselor to help you make this decision.

And remember that divorce is so commonplace these days that your children will be surrounded by other children whose parents are divorced. It's not like 'back in the day' when divorce was uncommon and children were considered to be 'from a broken home' (bollocks, that term). Now it's probably rarer to come from an 'intact home'. If you approach it with them in the correct way, yes they'll be upset, but they'll come through it fine.