He can't finish

[Jnetmummer]

I've just started a new relationship with a man who had been single 5 years. We're both in our late 20's and he has psoriasis so not sure whether this is the problem (he's very self conscious), or that he hasn't had sex in a long time but he can never finish during sex.

I've spoken to him about it and he says that it isn't a problem, he just enjoys being with me but it must be frustrating?? I'm starting to feel like he doesn't fancy me which I know is silly as he keeps reassuring me (I mentioned it a couple of times to see if there was anything he really liked but he just keeps saying that he doesn't mind) but has anyone had experience of this? I've never had this happen and not really sure what I can do about it?

I know that anti depressants can also have this effect. I would speak about it frankly, it's very hard to have a good relationship when the sex is bad.

If he was finishing in two minutes I'd agree but this problem does not have to equal a bad sex life - quite the opposite actually! It's not ideal as it can affect your confidence but if you can communicate well and be comfortable that it's not you, you can have amazing sex. My husband is the only man I've been with that has made sure I've finished every time we have sex, and multiple times, until I decide I've had enough. I've always had very low self esteem so if I can get over this anyone can - he makes me feel incredibly sexy, and I'm not really!

The only times this would be a disaster is if he was only interested in penetration and nothing else (but that would be shit anyway), or if he insisted on keeping going with penetration for hours on end without a break desperately trying to finish, or if he doesn't know what he's doing. The actual delayed ejaculation thing isn't a curse that guarantees bad sex.

It does make conceiving more difficult, or rather it may not be as spontaneous as you'd like, but we managed it very easily - we got pregnant on the first attempt. No turkey baster required which is what I feared might need to happen!

OP, please communicate with him as best you can - he may well be really embarsssed about this. If he's been a long time out of the game and has a visible health issue this won't help his confidence either. It may well be fixable but even if it isn't you can still have incredible sex if he's willing to learn what you want.

Thank you for all your replies, I think I may have worded it badly in my OP. He is really considerate of my feelings and we have great communication and I do enjoy sex with him but wanted to know if anyone else has had this happen and whether it got better further into the relationship, or what I could do? I've never had this before

Does he know why it happens - medication he's on would be a start if not, he may be able to switch to something else possibly. If it's a wanking / porn issue that can improve if he abstains for a while. It definitely doesn't need to be the end of the world though!

He's on medication that I looked into and it says online that there's no known link, so I just assumed that it wouldnt be down to that. He has the rare glass of wine but isn't really a drinker but he does smoke

Is he circumcised? This can lead to the relevant bits becoming desensitised. I gather this is a fairly common problem.