I'm not sure if He loves me or is cheating

[QueenOfUniverse]

Please help !!!! Its been almost a month I got into this exclusive relationship... we are planning to move in together and tell our parents about us and are planning to get married by 2019. Now the problem is I’m getting paranoid or I don’t knw if I’m right.... he is so busy with college he is unable to give me enough time .... sometimes he calls me at night speaks to me with full energy and then suddenly says he is tired and sleeping and will call me in middle of the night if he wakes up ... but then I see him online at 2-3 am... he has time management issues and does not give me or his family enough time ... and I have been hurt super badly before in other relationships... what do I do? Am I wrong or is he really cheating or something???

Why can’t you spell?

Cherylvole bit harsh eh?

🙁🙁🙁

Cherylvole what a revolting thing to say, do FO if you have nothing to say, it doesn’t make you look clever , just sad

Queenof the universe please slow down and give yourself some time to think calmly. You sound very muddled and unsure of your own thoughts.

You said your ex fiance killed himself, have you had professional help and support following this? As you are 23 i am guessing this did not happen a long time ago. It is unwise to get into such an intense relationship if you are still processing your grief and shock.

I understand you may feel pushed aside if your DP is busy with college but surely you understand that this must be his priority at the moment? If you do wish to plan a future with this man then surely the fact he is working to create a future career is the best thing for both of you and you should fully support and encourage this. Even if this means you only see him occasional this is the sacrifice many young couples make to build a successful future together.

You seemed far to focused on thing like how busy your DP is and when he is online and for how long. It comes across like he is the sole focus in your life and this is not healthy as you need to make time in your life for other things such as friends, work and family etc.

@sassymuffin I totally agree with what u have to say.... I think I shud stop rushing with things and work on our careers.... I’m already working as a dentist and shud give him time to shape his career

@QueenOfUniverse I wouldn't call it craziness but maybe a bit of an overdependancy on the relationship? You don't say how many serious relationships you have had, but at 23 you are still maturing and learning who you are and what you want from a relationship. That's not a criticism, it's just part of developing emotional maturity.
But for your sake, dial it down a notch because if you're getting this worked up about number of times someone has called at this early stage, you're probably not ready to handle stresses that come with marriage, shared finances, etc etc

That sounds a really positive decision Queen I'm sure after completing a five year highly intensive degree you will understand that sometimes studies have to take priority. This doesn't mean you are any less important to him or that he is cheating. Students frequently pull all nighters when studying, it isnt ideal or healthy but could explain why he online at odd hours and is tired a lot.

@sassymuffin @Lexieblue thank u guys now I realised what’s wrong and how I shud handle it hope my mental state gets normal soon

You need to not be in a relationship and sort out your mental health.

That's good Queen, sometimes just talking through things helps

Concentrate on you for a while :)

@Lexieblue yeah I agree ... I’m unable to get any professional help for my mental state cz of my family background

Queen you can't get any help cos of your family background? That sounds unusual.

@lolaflores my family is super possessive and it’s basically helicopter parenting ... nothing in life is done without parents permission and guidance... and they have only 10% idea abt my past so cant get help cz of the same

All mental health services are confidential and though I can understand over involved parents, if you are as anxious as you sound, then they would only want you to get help? From somewhere?
Do they know about your boyfriend and your plans?

And, if your parents are so involved how come they only know 10% about your past?

@lolaflores I kept them away from the dating part of my life by limiting myself and I was away from home for few years so they had lost control over me tho it’s back to being the same again since I graduated ... that’s how they don’t knw abt my past

Do you live with your parents?

@NotTheFordType yeah I do now I was not with them for a few years

That makes it more difficult, but could you look for a therapist who could see you after work once a week, and tell your parents that you're staying late to catch up on paperwork or something?

I'm wondering if their controlling nature is contributing to your mh problems. You might find this book helpful :
amzn.to/2ywS8zg

@NotTheFordType thank u 😊 ssly I’m glad I’m getting help

All way too much, way too soon

@TheNaze73 yeah I knw....