Dad's girlfriend is younger than me?

[StoneJuliet]

Hello,

I kind of just want to voice my opinion a bit. I hope no one minds. Have name changed as friends know my regular name.

My mum passed away a couple of months ago (I have posted about her being ill before) and it was incredibly hard to deal with. I had gave up my whole life to look after her and I would absolutely do it again but it definitely was tough on me. My dad wasn't much help, not very sympathetic at all - they were not getting on well before she passed, but as she was ill, I don't think anyone would have appreciated him saying he wanted to split. He grumbled that "I better look after him like that when he's old" he might have been joking but it feels odd to joke over such situations. Also, he said that "he expected her to outlive him" and he wanted that "so he wouldn't be alone".

I do my best to spend time with him, so I don't know why he has such a view.

He's very recently entered a new relationship with someone much younger than me, it's obviously legal, but it doesn't sit well. I've met her and she's really sweet and I view her like a little sister, not a potential...... mother in law!? she seems rather vulnerable (has anxiety) and expresses to me that she's thankful my dad likes her for the way she looks it all makes me feel really bloody sad.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I’m sorry, I can’t imagine being in that position.

I have no advice, but I can completely empathise with what your feeling.

There isn't anything you can do really about the situation, however horrible or awkward it is.

Sounds pretty tough and complicated by the fact you're still grieving for your mum (been there.. it's hell). But even if this lasts the duration, which is unlikely when your dad has been through such an upheaval so recently, she won't ever be your stepmom (I think you meant that not MIL!) in anything but name if you don't want her to be. As an adult getting a new step parent the best you can hope for is a new good friend. And you're probably jumping the gun a bit as they've been together five minutes and marriage isn't on the cards rightly so! Can understand it feeling a bit icky though, not sure why it does but many people would feel the same. Just support your dad in what makes him happy right now and look after yourself.

Can believe I put mother in law!

Thanks for the advice. I hate it though, people are judging my dad. I'm asked who's that girl he's spending a lot of time with. It seems so odd.

Well, the best you can do is reply with 'grief affects different people in different ways, all I care about is that he's happy' and they'll shut up the judgmental and take the fun out of gossiping!

Think of her as 'Dad's girlfriend', no relation to yourself. Stay polite but gain a little distance from your ddad if you want to. I am in a similar situation actually, through parents second marriages - since they are more or less my age, I figure they can and will take responsibility for caring and decisions for my future elderly parent.