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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't accept that my partner wants me.

30 replies

GemLouBrierley · 16/10/2017 14:50

I have never done anything like this before so please forgive me if I ramble on. I have been with my partner just over two years and we have a son who is a little over 3 months. I have never really been confident about my looks but since having a baby I am worse. Not long after giving birth my partner left his Facebook open and I was scrolling through thinking it was mine. (We have the same profile picture) when I saw he had commented on how great this female friend of his looked in her picture. I was crushed as I literally felt rubbish. Since then I looked through his messages once and seen that he is always sharing pictures of porn stars with friends, talking explicitly about what he would do with them. I am a fat frumpy mum who has no time to do my hair or makeup anymore. I can't compare to these women. I have talked about it to my partner and he says he fancies me. I can't accept that.

OP posts:
Rubbishparent82 · 16/10/2017 17:52

He sounds very insensitive and unsupportive. I'd let him go on the basis of that alone., never mind the women.

2littlemoos · 16/10/2017 17:59

He sounds unsupportive. His actions and the company he keeps say a lot about his character. Porn and drooling over the stars probably isn't unheard of but to actually discuss with his friends who he likes and what he'd like to do is definitely not normal imo.

He sounds grim and you are honestly well rid! I know you've moved far but you can move back and be around people that uplift and treat you with respect.

What he is doing is honestly no reflection on you OP.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/10/2017 07:14

Very nice for your little ds to have a dad who sents pirn pictures to his friends. None of this is a reflection of you. This man is the pits and no role model for your ds growing up. He has some cheek saying lm not going over this again when he is the one who is a sorry excuse for a man, partner and father.
Go back to your family with your boy and leave him to his petty carry on.

fredericapotterslawyer · 17/10/2017 10:32

He did reply and just said "there's nothing wrong with you and I am not going through this again"

The sharing of porn stars is symptomatic. The REAL problem is this: a total lack of empathy and care for his partner and her feelings.

There are so many women on here who have been through similar, and come out the other side. I have been in a similar position (minus the child). Right down to writing him an email to try and explain my depression! I'd moved to a different country to be with him, and was desperate to make it work. When I got there, I realised he was a total arsehole, but I wouldn't come back because I was too proud and thought people would laugh at me. I wasted five years in the end.

I think if you left him, you would notice a big uptick in your mental health. No wonder you're depressed: you have no family and friends nearby, no support at home with a new baby, and a partner who invalidates your feelings. Anyone would be depressed in that situation.

When I left my ex, my depression and anxiety went away. I have never needed treatment since. When you start reading these threads regularly you see how many women are medicating themselves to stay in shit relationships, and it's horrifying.

Is your mum still about? Do you have a sister or a brother you could say with? Maybe just go home for a few days for a visit, and see your friends and family. It might lift your spirits.

Gemini69 · 17/10/2017 10:35

his lack of empathy and emotions is clear.. this man does not care about your well being.. your mental health.. or your morale ..

he's a creep and you deserve much better Flowers

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