Talk to me about departure; mourning; the future.....

[IronNeonClasp]

Been seeing someone for 6m. I’ve flipped a few times when we are apart. WhatsApp is a shitty thing.

How do you deal with the knowing you won’t see them until we ‘can’? Life gets in the way - hey? I have an ex DH with 2 kiddos. This has been a secret for soooo long I am querying whether it can work.

What? I don’t understand what you mean?

In 6 months you have flipped a few times?

I would suggest this relationship isnt working, if thats the case.

Why does it have to be a secret?

You are making no sense.

Say what now OP?

A secret until I am divorced- but I’m tired. It’s all ‘great’ but I’m exhausted is all, I guess.
It’s the unknowing. Whether it will pan out ok. Anyone been here? Worth the investment?

Why is it a secret? Is it very soon since you split with exH? You sound like you need to try and chill, now you have kids and an ex it's more complicated.. and it will be like that with any bloke. But maybe he wants something more casual than you?

How can any of us know if it will pan out?

Praps if it's like this you're not ready for a relationship yet?

Yeah Hipster.
It’s v odd. He left earlier. Got my kids back from ex. But I feel like it’s a mourning every departure.
It hurts like hell.
I dunno..
Was hoping for tips 🙄

Are you me IronNeonClasp?

Bf of 7 months. Was supposed to be OLD to play the field after a 20 year relationship.
But he was great in bed , and then turned out to be a bit of a sweetheart.
And he loves me too.
But he’s a secret in so much as our dc don’t know. Mine are younger his teenagers/grown up.
We’ve talked round the edges about it but I’m sooooo scared. I feel the pressure to know it’s going to work so I don’t traumatise my dc who’ve had enough thrown at them by their father.

Have you said the L word yet?
Do you feel it? I think this is the crux of it.

I do know what you mean, that life becomes two alternating scenarios, you & the kids, then you & your bf, in a lovely bubble.... welcome to the compartmentalised world of a single parent in a relationship!
I gotta warn you you'll need to play the long game because if it's gonna work it's gonna unfold slowwwwwwly, so you have got to find some way to pace yourself! If you feel like you're in 'mourning' every time he goes perhaps it's a bit intense? Like all your happiness is in that one compartment?

Well if you are filling out financial forms for your divorce I believe you have to say whether or not you are in a relationship.

Not sure it has to be this huge great secret. Doesn't seem the best way to start a relationship imo.

Thanks witches

Onnit- the L word was said couple of months ago.
Hipster compartmentalised love that word.

I dunno. I always feel ‘meh’ when he leaves. Like I should knock on head.

Thanks Onnit too 😁

Further thoughts.

You need to get a grip. On one hand you say

I always feel 'meh' when he leaves. Like I should knock on head.

and

But I feel like it’s a mourning every departure.
It hurts like hell.
I dunno..

and

I’ve flipped a few times when we are apart. WhatsApp is a shitty thing.

What is going on?

I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. I think it’s totally confusing having to compartmentalise.
It’s not a good life to live when the people you love are unaware of the other people you love.
I remember joking with my friends that bf might just be a figment of my imagination. That I might’ve gone completely nuts with all the shit stbxh has thrown at me.