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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

clarity needed

19 replies

AJW34 · 14/10/2017 18:43

Hi
My partner is (by his own admission) a bit lazy. He is quite wealthy and doesn't work. I work full time and have two sons from previous relationships. He has never had a serious relationship (not lived with anyone, no kids etc)
we are both independent and head strong.

There are lots of things that niggle me and I get confused about whether this is me being over sensitive or if I should be concerned.

for example:

He likes the TV on all night, I cant stand it. He doesn't work and I do, so I want it to be off so that I can sleep. its at most 1/2 nights a week.

if we haven't made plans he just wont be flexible. He will say he cant be bothered or that he wants to stay home and watch TV. because of my work and family this can mean we go over a week without seeing each other.

he recently said that if his neighbours are parked on his drive I need to tell them to move, he is not going to do it anymore. If I don't want to do that I can park on the street. I reminded him that I don't know them and that parking on the street is hard when I have overnight bags, work stuff etc.

we share the cost of everything. if he pays on a card he will send me a bill at the end of the month. I find this really impersonal.

I really don't know If I am moaning. I think after previous relationships I am just losing clarity. I would really welcome our thoughts

thanks

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 14/10/2017 18:58

And why are you with him? It all sounds a bit grim to me. It’s not how I’d like a relationship to be (and I’m a bloke).

Aminuts23 · 14/10/2017 19:00

Sounds hideous. For me the two most of putting qualities in people is laziness and greed

Belindaboom · 14/10/2017 19:03

Sounds like a bit of a dick

NotTheFordType · 14/10/2017 19:03

He is quite wealthy and doesn't work

He won't be quite wealthy for long then, will he? What does he DO all day? How could anyone live like that, with no purpose to their life?

That would be the deal-breaker for me. I couldn't deal with someone who had so little motivation or ambition.

userxx · 14/10/2017 19:06

He sends you a bill? You mean a copy of the statement or an actual bill, from him to you?

Crunchymum · 14/10/2017 19:07

He sends you a bill? Fuck me.

That alone would have me running in the opposite direction.

RebornSlippy · 14/10/2017 19:09

He wouldn't be my cuppa tea, OP. Doesn't look like he's yours either. Ditch.

Bosabosa · 14/10/2017 19:11

Why are you with him? Sounds awful

AutumnLeavesandCandleLights · 14/10/2017 19:19

The fact he doesn't work and the TV being on I could maybe deal with, but the bill thing?
You're kidding me, right? I've honestly never heard of something so outrageous before!!!

AJW34 · 14/10/2017 20:02

no he sends an email with everything itemised!
we have looked at joint accounts and joint credit cards but cant seem to find one where you can have different address.

OP posts:
Bubblebath01 · 14/10/2017 20:27

Hunny, run. No more than that.

Partners are different to husband's. There is no real shared commitment. When he is bored, he will find other distractions.

However much you commit, at the end of the day, you are on your own.

My DP gave me an allowance. I had to produce spreadsheets detailing expenditure. After 27 years, his ego was flattered by a 21 yr old barmaid. I am left without any pension, savings, etc.

Financial control, I have come to realise, is control. Without the security of marriage, it means nothing however much you feel you are committed. He can run at any time.

Look out for yourself, and cover yourself. If you are happy, then continue, but have contingencies.

Xxx

RebornSlippy · 14/10/2017 20:34

@Bubblebath, your situation sounds a lot different. The OP works, they do not live together and there is no mention of an allowance being handed over.

I absolutely agree with you, financial control is of course control. However, I would hope that the OP does not depend on this man, or any man for that matter, to financially support her or her children. This is something no woman should do, married or otherwise. We've seen how this can turn to shit too, too many times on these boards.

userxx · 14/10/2017 20:37

Nooooooo!!!! Does he state the payment terms, strictly 30 days. Seriously, I find that odd.

HipsterAssassin · 14/10/2017 20:44

Well, it's not exactly the romance of the century, is it? Where is the sense of fun?

Is he a droid? Had a lobotomy? It wouldn't be for me.

IVANA32 · 14/10/2017 21:04

What a generous rich guy he is. The bill thing is quite odd!

SonicBoomBoom · 14/10/2017 21:11

What the hell are you doing with this guy? Confused

category12 · 14/10/2017 21:12

He can't be arsed to see you, he can't be arsed to help you park, he sends you bills?!

Sounds a barrel of laughs.

butterfly56 · 14/10/2017 23:42

He sounds like a real piece of work and a tight fisted moron who cannot even be bothered to keep his drive clear for you.
You deserve far better than this idiot!

OutToGetYou · 14/10/2017 23:51

What a thoroughly dull and unpleasant person.

I'd leave him to his TV if I were you.

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