I'am so lonely.

[BowAndArrow]

It's just hit me today. I'am lonely, deeply, desperately crying out for something.

I have a partner and four children. I'm 29.

I feel like I'm screaming but no words can come out. I'm desperate to feel something, anything, some connection.

I lost myself months ago and with it all the friends I had. Not that they were really friends, just people that talked at me.

But now there's just me and the echoing in my head.

Is there anyone in RL you can talk to? Have you told your partner ?

He's at work.

Hasn't replied to a text from earlier. He won't understand either. It'll either be my own fault or he'll decide I'm blaming him. I'm not. Just lonely. Just worthless.

Told my mum, she laughed it off.

I was where you are now 8 years ago, except without children. I realised I'd devoted all of my time to my then partner and put him before making my friendships work, he still had his social circle. I decided I couldn't live like it anymore and we split up not long after. Best decision ever!! I now have a beautiful daughter and wonderful man who I'm about to marry. Not to mention a flourishing career and a social life!

It was a hard decision at the time but definitely worth it. Do you think it could be that you've just fallen into bad habits? Do you still want to be with your DP?

I love my DP.

I had a social life, friends, just people in my life. I went out. I loved him from afar for years before we got together. He's quite a damaged person. Our first year was hard. The second, harder. I terminated our first pregnancy. I was put under and woke up as someone completely new. I still love and want him. I'm just desperately reaching out and hoping he'll love me. He's quiet, and never smiles, often grumpy or angry or sad, never visibly happy. It's like I'm not right for him and I just don't make his life sparkle the way he does mine. We have a five month old. He doesn't oppress me in any way. I have a voice and freedom in the relationship. I just never not have the feeling that I'm alone.

I can't have any more children and I proposed to him twice thinking that we were on the same page. He turned me down

I can feel your pain through your posts and I wish I had some advice for you. Hopefully a wiser poster will come along for you soon.

It hurts so much that I can't make him happy. That every aspect of our lives is something to be endured never enjoyed.

There's no light in his eyes anymore

Why don't you work on making yourself happy and stop worrying about his happiness, he isn't worried about yours.

Once you're in a happy place for yourself you might see things differently, Maybe look at getting counselling. It is not your responsibility to make him happy and you're going to make yourself worse trying to fight what you seem to be describing as a losing battle.

I just want to say I know exactly how you're feeling. I've been with my partner for three years, we have a 10 month old and another on the way in 12 weeks and I feel so utterly and completely alone.
I can't speak to my partner about any of it as like you, it'd like just get turned around me and I'd somehow look like a bad guy.

It's not a nice place to be in. I hope you manage to find some help and feel better soon x

So only one of your children is his and it's a relatively new relationship?

I had counselling for 10 years. Enough counselling.

I'am happy, odd as that sounds, I have gone back to work. I do lots with the children. I'm not miserable. I just feel lonely and like something is missing. I don't spend all day trying to make him happy, I'm too busy! It's just hard never feeling that he feels any joy, it is lonely being the only one to see the good, feel the excitement, just feel anything even. It's not that he's actively unhappy, he's just not actively happy. I'm here, totally present, reaching out to him and finding a space.

We've been together almost 3 years. Yes, my youngest is his.

My older children have known him since birth and I've known him almost 10 years.

I loved him from afar for years before we got together... I'm just desperately reaching out and hoping he'll love me.

It sounds like you didn't really know him when you thought you 'loved' him from afar, and it sounds like your feelings are still unrequited. I suspect that you're more in love with the idea of being in love with him than anything else.

It sounds like this relationship was something you've wanted for a long time, so I would suggest trying couples counselling to try to work out what the issues actually are, and then take it from there. There's a possibility that you're not actually that compatible in reality, but counselling might help you to work through your differences. And if you can't, at least you'll know you tried.

I feel very sorry for you, OP - I felt so lonely when I was with my ex; it's so horrible.

I feel lonely too, although I have a good relationship with my partner if he wasn't around I would have no one. It's horrible isn't it. I think if I died there would be hardly anyone at my funeral, it wouldn't really affect anyone. I have children but they would just move in with their Dad and get on with life.

Have you sat down with your partner and had an honest chat about how he feels in your relationship?

He was one of my best friends until we got together so I knew him very well. More so than anyone. I was the only person he ever let in after a damaging childhood. It just took a long time for it to all come together. I left my ex husband because of how I felt for him, spent two years living my life until we worked things out between us.

fluffy that's it really. I have no family really but my mother, no father or siblings. Only two friends. I just seem to have missed out on the traditional 'best' friendship. I had one in school but we grew apart. It makes me very sad. My partner being unable to show emotion is just one part, the most prominent part.

He says he's never been happier. I do believe him. There's just a part of me screaming for him to hug me, kiss me, smile at me, show it some small way. It feels like such a gap between us.

Has he always been like that or is it a more recent thing? I only ask as my OH is the least affectionate person I have had a relationship with, however he says he has never been more affectionate with anyone including his kids.

He's always been deeply difficult with emotions. He can't read them. He's always been someone who won't freely open up, but if you know him, you know there's a warmth to him, he just doesn't know how to show it.