Bit of a mess

[Amourbubbles]

So I've read slot of stuff on here but never joined but I'm a bit of a mess and need some help so here goes...my partner and I have a 8 month old son who is the best thing that has happened to both of us but I have no trust in my partner.

He lies about stupid stuff like having a beer when he said he wouldn't, watching porn when I can see the browser history, conversations with colleagues that have not happened. He says he does it because he doesn't want to upset me but I have told him over and over I'd rather he just told me the truth because I end up doubting everything he says.

Then a few months ago he and my so called best friend got drunk and she was all over him and he did nothing to stop it, didn't walk away but encouraged it and it only stopped when I dragged him away. Which made me feel like what would have happened if I hadn't been there.

Sony trust in him had gone and I was working on trusting him and he was trying. I have found it hard not to question everything he says but last night I went out for the first time in a year and he looked after our son and said he would not drink anything. This morning I find out he had a drink last night so I asked him about it and he looked me in the eyes and lied to me about it. When I told him I knew, he said I was playing silly games to which I replied I'd had enough of his lies.

He said it was only one beer which I then said it's not about the beer it's about being lied to and not being able to trust anything he says and that I don't want to be that person who mistrusts their partner, who doesn't allow them to go out and questions everything there saying.

I've told him I can't be in a relationship without trust and he said I can't lie to you because you always look at me and know I'm lying. Which got to me even more because it was like well why lie when it hurts me and makes me not trust u.

I just dunno where to go from here. I feel like I love him but can't live like this. He's told me that her do anything to keep me but I've heard it all before and it keeps happening and like I said earlier I don't want to be that mistrusting person who doesn't let him have a life because it's not fair on either of us. My heart wants to be with him but my head and sanity cannot take much more of him doing it.

It sounds like you already know what to do. He's do "anything to keep you" except be honest with you. So why keep him?

I sympathise and he's clearly a dishonest twat but is his alcohol use relevant? Why would he lie to you about one beer/Why would you even be asking? Is it like a pathological lying issue?

Trust is vital and if you haven't got that the relationship will be torture for both of you.

With regards to the lies, why does he do it?

Are you telling him when he can and can't have a beer, who he can talk to about what and that he mustn't watch porn and he's lying to avoid conflict or is it pathalogical. Some people learn to lie as a coping mechanism due to an abusive childhood.

As for the best friend incident, that's not good but she was doing in front of you so he may have just taken the thing as a big joke.

No he talks to whoever, drinks whenever n I never cared about porn but he thought I would. He comes home tells me he has conversations with ppl about things and then when I see them they ask stuff n I've gone well u n him chatted about it the other day n they no nothing about it...its always stupid stuff that ur never even think about, so I don't get y he makes it up. The beer I asked him to have a night off drinking as he had the baby on his own and I only knew because I saw the beer bottles which he tried to blame on his friend (who was driving).

Something's I think he lies to avoid an argument but other times its like he can't help himself. His lies r so pathetic I don't get why he'd even say it.

Like the beer thing its like I'd of been annoyed but he would of gone to work and when he came home wed of been fine.

The porn thing wed spoke about before and I said I didnt care so didnt really understand y he then lied.

The chatting to ppl I don't understand.

And other things like he's rang someone when he hasn't and then I hear him doing it a few days later, when I don't understand y he would think I care.

Stop putting energy into wondering why.

The reason is that he's a liar. It's just part of his personality. Why? Who knows. Lots of possible reasons. As you say, he just can't help it. The important thing is that he's a shit partner because of that personality trait and you know it, so focus energy on getting out.

his white lies have created a Dishonest Personality... he actually now does it without even thinking... he will not change because it appears to be ingrained in his character now..

you either accept he is very dishonest... or leave