My husband was on adult work

[chattycakes]

I'm really sorry for how long this is.

Back in September I came home from work and my DH was acting 'strange'. Overly complementary, kept telling me he loved me (this is not uncommon behaviour, but this night it seemed very OTT). I asked him if everything was ok and he assured me that it was. I went to bed with a bad gut feeling and (sadly) curiosity got the better of me and I logged into his laptop to look at his browser history for that day. There was nothing there so I looked at his iMessage and call history on the laptop. There were two calls to an unknown number (whilst I'd been at work) and an iMessage from said number saying 'sorry I can't talk right now'. I googled the number and it belonged to an escort that had been reviewed on 'McCoys Guide'.

After practically shaking for 10 minutes, I woke DH and confronted him. He first denied all knowledge and then admitted that he'd had a missed call from a number, called it back and freaked out when he realised it was an escort and deleted (the missed call only) from his phone. I asked why she would have his number, why he would only delete the missed call and craziest of all why didn't he just tell me (I'm pretty easy going and have never had a problem with porn) and he said someone must of given her his number as a joke, and he was worried he wouldn't be able to explain it to me and panicked. He really reassured me, said he hated himself for making me feel that way, promised he would be open from now on and we cuddled up and went back to sleep.

Pass another month and it's still niggling at me. We've always been open so I can't imagine why he would have tried to hide it and if I'm honest the deceit is what was bugging me the most. So I took the detective skills up a notch and went onto his google history. I searched adultwork and it came up quite a bit over the past 5 years we've been a couple and even before we were together. It was mostly viewed early in the morning that would coincide with when he finished night shifts. I then searched other various words and it alluded that he'd been having phone sex via hotlines, albeit it was mostly a couple of years back.

I messaged him whilst he was on a nightshift, just asking 'have you heard of a website called adult work?' Within 60 seconds I had a call asking why, and generally sounding slightly panicked. I fobbed him off by saying I had read an article about it. When he came home the next morning, he could tell that I knew and I begged him to be truthful to me. He admitted that the number he called he had found on adult work and he called her for phone sex, but he never got through. He also said his previous use of adult work was because he got off on the escorts 'stories and reviews'. He also said that he has used sex lines in the past and 'stupidly' didn't think it was an issue. He can give no rhyme or reason as to why he called this woman's personal phone or what would have happened had she of answered. Continual 'I don't knows'.

So know it's me who doesn't know. He swears it was just curiosity, that he loves me and that he promises he will 'really' be open from now on and he'll never use sites like that again. The problem is my trust in him has been broken. We've been trying for a baby (before this came to light) and my head is now all over the place.

I hate that I now second guess everything he say's and does. He really is trying and I (probably naively think it won't happen again.) We've only been married for a few months. It's such a grey area. Will I ever get over this?

So I am a few months late on the discussion but still wanted to add something. If your husband has 5 years experience in Adultwork it is highly unlikely this is phone sex. I work in Ministry and we help many men with addiction, within a Christian setting. With Adultwork it works in a simple way, those offering phone sex make their money by the credit system. This means the high majority of workers NOT offering physical sex, work on webcam, you cannot pay them direct with your credit card, you have to buy credits from Adultwork with a debit or credit card. If you are visiting escorts for sex then no credits are necessary and you pay the escort in cash. However, many, many men became addicted to such sites and they are exceptionally dangerous. You can possibly see the extent of the problem if you know his username on Adultwork, this will show reviews on him and give you a precise idea of what he has been up to and show the history of his activities to a degree. I would recommend a couple of steps. 1. Based on the evidence you have shared it is highly likely he has been having sex with escorts. This is a good chance he is addicted. Insist he signs up to meeting with SAA - these can be online/phone. saauk.info/en/am-i-a-sex-addict

1. Block certain sites with your ISP and on his phone. If he uses an iPhone you can restrict his sites and only you have the passcode to remove these. You might feel this sounds a horrendous idea - that your husband could be addicted. However, if he has been on there for 5 years - it is very, very likely that he is. 3. If he admits he has a problem and wants to talk, message me his number. We see a great deal of this and happy to help.

Aren't there a lot of "experts" who know exactly what you should do? I have only 2 pieces of advice: 1. Have a think about it and do what you think is right. 2. Don't take advice from people you don't know - including me.

Zombie Thread

As an ex escort who is very familiar with adultwork, he is definitely lying. Escorts don’t just randomly message people unless they have been messaged by them in the first place. I used to see so many men that would describe themselves as the perfect family man. Sorry you are going through this but I promise you, you can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth.

Soooo, advice, being a man that has used adult work, to get off for a many years, as well as other porn site, I can understand the addiction argument. It is easy to use the site and fantasise about what you could do. However, stepping over that line is possibly inevitable after a window shopping for long enough. The guy works nights who knows how often he has used it, but he may have 'bottled it' and not gone through with it. You has said his behaviour was unusually different. I have to say, I have crossed that line. I was not in a relationship at the time. It is not an experience I enjoyed, nor would I be keen to repeat, nothing wrong with the girl, but buying sex, defo not for me. Now I am in a relationship with and 1 year old son, I really miss sex!! My Mrs' libido is gone, I have been tempted. I won't, but it doesn't help that my Mrs, (who I am sure doesn't know about adult work) , says she doesn't understand why brothels aren't socially acceptable. I think she's sees it as a solution when a couple rhythms are not in sync. But I am really depressed that she would even think that visiting a brothel would be a solution, but I can't pressure her to have sex with me either. I don't know what to do, I would like to say my patience is wearing thin, but it's not, I am just going to have to wait a couple more years!?!? And hope that this sorts itself out!!

I'm assuming you're just wanting us to confirm what you already KNOW. As a man, I can tell you categorically that he is lying. But what surprises me most is that you seem to think that there might be something plausible about his daft excuses!

So he's been using Adultwork.com for over five years, you've been married a couple of months, and you believe that (1) he's still at the "phone sex" stage, and (2) that despite continuing to visit the site and call up the girls on there, he has continued to be faithful to you?!!

If you won't accept the blindingly obvious, then go to eBay, get yourself a GOS vehicle tracker (www.ebay.co.uk/p/GPS-Tracker-Genuine-Rewire-Security-Db1-Lite-Glonass-gsm-Car-Motorbike-Vehicle-T/12016677459?iid=231136139882), and then you'll be able to see where he REALLY is when he's "working late"!!

I'll tell you the thing you really know for sure at this stage - your shiny new husband is a liar.

ridiculous missed call story
'never got through' - right
'i don't know, I don't know' - he does. He would have had phone sex or shagged her.

He's ok with lying to you and from what you can see so far it's clear he's a natural cheaty type at the very least.

Married a couple of months? I'd seriously think this through. And FGS don't have a baby!!!!

I just saw this randomly and I had too sign up too add my 2 cents. I know this issue may have come too a conclusion. I would just like too say first off people are going off on how it coould not have been just for phone sex, however one of the main services Adultwork offers is phone sex without having to make use of a premium number. Secondly it is actually a pretty common fetish for men too look at reviews and escorts without actually soliciting said escort This is because it allows men to fantasize about a girl they do not think they could obtain normally. Its a turn on too know they can, but most men have the moral compass to know its wrong. I know this because I am a man. I am not saying he hasn't done something wrong, or that he isnt doing the dirty with a escort behind your back. What I do think is the majority of the commentors here are women who have been hurt in a similliar way. Now thats terrible an all, but they will project. IF i go to an oncologist he will look for cancer, and cardiologist heart problems. I would take their advice on board, but at the same time be cautious that the majority of the people that will find this will see their own issues in your problem. Best solution is too keep an open mind, and find out for sure before you take anymore rash steps. I will say this, if you keep what you know from him from now on and not let on what you know, it would be for the best. That way he cant cover his tracks, if he has anything to cover. Remember he already breached your trust, so your well within your rights to breach his too get too the bottom of it.

Wish you the best..

Hope all ends well.

He also said his previous use of adult work was because he got off on the escorts 'stories and reviews'

Utter standard adult work user response. That I promise you

Maddiemademe can I ask you a question? I had a similar situation with my now ex. I saw a text msg confirming an appt with an escorted from adult work. At the time of the appt I tried to contact him but apparently his mobile was out of battery and he'd gone to visit a friend. I called the escort myself and she checked her records and said he was a 'no-show'. She seemed really nice and genuinely wanted to help, especially as I told her I was pregnant. Would an escort ever be honest about this sort of thing? Or is it generally considered a big no no to expose a client?

No, an escort would lie in order to save your feelings.

Sorry to be so blunt but I have lived through the same and sadly now have quite some insight into the horrible world of sex work.

No not all. To be honest this was years ago...ds is 13 now!! But it was one of the main reasons I split up with him even though he insisted on his innocence. I just remember my conversation with this escort...we talked for about half hour and I've always wondered whether she was telling the truth or not.

I've just come across this thread and thought I need to give some input as I had a similar situation with an ex. Adultwork is a prostitution site. Yes, some of the escorts offer phone sex and that's how a lot of the men start, either that or webcam. They usually go on to meet the women. If you really want to know how men think and act then go onto UKPunting where they all talk to one another. It's rather vile. As my ex said to me when he was basically caught redhanded after lots of denying - "once a woman is in love with a man she can be shown a photograph of him having sex with another woman and she'll deny it for him. That's what men do to women". He also told me that all men do it and women just don't realise. Dreadful I know and I wish I didn't know but it's far more common than women realise and it's nothing to do with love.

Sad but true, Roxyo. So many more men do it than you could ever imagine. Reading ukpunting is a disgusting eye opener for sure. Men who front as respectable, happy family men and husbands who actually spend their spare time creeping about and being totally morally bankrupt.

Yes, Newerversion, it is an eye opener for sure. There's one thread I read a couple of years ago where they were reviewing their wives sexual performance. Morally bankrupt indeed!

An Ashley Madison style outing of members would certainly ruin a few reputations.

There was also thread about how they all hide their habit from their wives, much back slapping on that. These men have wives, mothers a daughters. They make my skin crawl.

Me too. I also did a lot of work with escorts after my experience and got to know a few really well and very nice ladies they are. The stuff they told me would make anyone's skin crawl. The one thing they all had in common was they hated men - not because of their sexual peccadilloes but because of their total inability to be faithful to one woman and the grubby little secret they share amongst each other but well kept from the women of this world. All of them said that if ordinary women knew what men were really like they'd be devastated.

I can believe that- they see so many married men- must really rock your faith in relationships. My ex was one such man- adored by many and held up as a ‘perfect husband and father’ when in reality he was a man who quite frankly I wouldn’t spit on if his was on fire now I see him for what he is.

I have been looking into a local charity that helps women exit prostitution and would like to do something to help out somehow. I guess as a way of making up for the wanker I married and his lack of respect, morals and humanity.

roxyro this is the second adult work Zombie you've poked out the grave today. If you want people to respond and get a discussion going start a new thread as you'll get more input as most people look at the date on the OP and stop reading

I have no idea what a Zombie thread is but can make the connection. Seeing as I've had a response I don't really know what your problem is!

This may be an old thread but I think what Roxyro has posted is useful so hopefully will help anyone searching for such threads.

I was being helpful not having a dig, sorry if you took it that way but I can't see what I wrote was an issue. Many people don't want to invest time reading a zombie thread so don't. (Zombie = Dead). You have been on two old adult work threads so I assumed it was something you wanted to talk about. Yes you got one response off two threads (not incl mine) so if that's all you wanted, great but if you want a discussion and more responses it's best to start a fresh one. I shall shuffle off now

Excuse me Lemonyknickers, you may not have meant to be having a dig but your delivery suggests otherwise. "Many people don't want to invest time reading a zombie thread so don't'. That's an order and I take exception to it. Now please do shuffle off and leave me to it. Thank you.

Hello,
I think without knowing more, that he is looking to some more extra adventures. I do not know how your sexual relations are... it may be good to spice up your relation... sending him few sexy pictures or video to his phone ... being more naughty, some sexual games and why not visiting some sex shop with him so you can decide together what u like to try
Good luck