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Relationships

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Is it possible for to maintain a healthy friendship with male friend?

6 replies

AnnaF55 · 13/10/2017 16:55

As a kid I was good friends with a guy who then moved far away when we were 14. After that we stayed in constant contact by phone, emails, etc and considered the other to be a best friend. We confided in each other about everything and my friend sometimes expressed an attraction to me which I brushed off.

As older teenagers/early 20s we got into relationships and the friendship stayed more or less as close as ever. I eventually came to see this could be considered an 'emotional affair'. We helped each other through bereavements and break ups etc and the friendship remained.

Finally he moved closer to me and now had a live in girlfriend. We spent more time together again - but to my horror he had grown up and I was now attracted to him. At this stage we were also talking every other day and he was complimenting my looks and telling me how much he admired and believed in me, supported and consoled me at any hour etc. I was in a very bad and vulnerable place in my life, which lead to me developing feelings. I told him about these feelings and we agreed to put distance between us.

I cut contact for over a year, during which time I met my current partner. I have now been with him for over a year and consider him to be 'the one' in that I want to marry him & have children with.

Now my friend and I talk about our OHs a lot, sharing holiday snaps of us together etc. It already feels much healthier. My friend recently invited me to spend the weekend at his place (including his partner too I'm sure) and I would like to. Its a friendship I want to have for decades to come. But - I assume he never told his partner about what transpired/the cutting of contact (I don't know if he did basically).

Given everything that has happened previously, do you think it is possible for to have a mature and healthy friendship going forward?

OP posts:
ScruffyLookingNerfHerder · 13/10/2017 17:02

Yes, why not?
You've managed it so far.
I don't see how close friends equates to an EA, there has to be more to it to make it that

AnnaF55 · 13/10/2017 17:07

I think sometimes I find it difficult to draw the boundary between EA and close friend.

At the point I considered it an 'EA' my friend had made a sexual suggestion towards me, which made me very angry. I told him as much and this was the catalyst for cutting contact for a while.

Now he no longer heaps compliments on me or acts inappropriately.

OP posts:
stevie69 · 13/10/2017 17:13

Yes. My ex is my very best friend. We've been separated eight years or so and have always been mates. No problems, no issues. He's had another girlfriend for most of that time. I'm blissfully single.

It works beautifully.

AnnaF55 · 13/10/2017 17:20

The one part I feel slightly awkward about is not knowing if the girlfriend knows I admitted some feelings at one point - I assume not? I struggle to envision him inviting me if she knew all about it.

At the same time I don't want to bring up the past and am keen to get to know her/have my friend meet my partner too.

OP posts:
userxx · 13/10/2017 18:09

I'd just go, you're over thinking it. Stevie - how do you get to the point of being best friends? Are you not jealous at all?

AnnaF55 · 13/10/2017 19:27

Possibly. I do have a tendency to over-analyse...

OP posts:
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