We have a close family member who, after a long, long time of feeling there is something 'off' with his behaviour, I am finally starting to see for what he is. I know many think it is an overused term but I really do think 'narcissist' describes him better than anything. I have spent years trying to accommodate this person, trying to support him in a range of ways, struggling with his controlling nature etc and never really understanding what was going on. I think the nature of it is that even now I have a much better idea that he is basically a very selfish and self absorbed person who will never change, there are still times I have doubts and wonder if I am being unfair and putting unnecessary boundaries in place, imagining manipulation where there isn't any etc. In those times I try to hold on to clear examples of the bad behaviour to avoid getting sucked in but I still have my doubts.
He has a particular quirk which is that he always uses shortened forms of people's names, even when they themselves use the longer form and so does everyone else they know. It is not name calling, just regularly using a non-preferred version of the name that no one else uses. I just wondered if anyone else has come across this and whether you also see it linking to selfish behaviours and a pattern of 'I'm special' thinking?
I am probably making massive leaps and little sense, this sounds so silly written down! Dealing with someone who acts like they're perfect and causes untold damage to those around them is so exhausting and I spend far too much time trying to figure him out. I think I'm most of the way to answering my own question in that it doesn't really matter if this is classic narc behaviour or not, if his behaviour is unacceptable then it is unacceptable whatever the reason and whether or not anyone else sees it but it really can be crazy making especially as I normally take people at face value (perhaps a little naive).
Thoughts welcome!