2nd time relationships

[Lisa000]

I'm after some advice/opinions from people who have had their first relationship end (the one where you make plans for the future together. Travel, buy a house, have kids, etc) and are now involved in a new relationship. Your first relationship was all about the beginning of everything together. When you have all that, what do you plan for in your next relationship? Is it about the kids? Or the things you'll do without the kids? My boyfriend and I are a bit stuck around this. I have 3 kids (9-13 yrs) and he has none. How do you bring all that together?

Ìf it's right then I don't think you question it. Me and my husband (second time for both, me kids him none) both agree it's a million times better second time round even though there were some niggly practical hurdles at the beginning.

Oh and the we had a baby together and it is every bit as real and exciting as the first times round!

My boyfriend and I are a bit stuck around this - - I think you are seriously over thinking this, what stage are you at right now, are you living together? Do you want to live together? Are you just dating? Has he met your children?

It sounds as though you are trying to make a relationship into a formal business plan - why not just enjoy spending time together or is that too simple?

Ha! It does sound like that doesn't it?!! We've been on and off for 5 years. He's a planner. I haven't thought much about it but I think this is the problem. My immediate future is about the kids. I'm doubtful we'll be able to make it work but it's something I'd like to hear about from people that have had success with it.

Perhaps you're right. If it's right, you're both committed to making it happen. Just feels a bit tricky as he's never had kids or been married. Well done to you though!

If I'd known how good second marriages are I'd have done this one first lol

Go for food, bowling, the zoo, a theme park, eventually on a holiday. Get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. But don’t expect them to treat him like their “dad.” Especially not to start with. However, that said if he does have to discipline them do not undermine him or they will never take that from him. If he has to tell them off or reprimand them, then discuss the way you do this with him in advance. I would expect any of my friends to tell me children off if they were being naughty, but I would be the one to talk to them about it afterwards. To start with that might be the best method. I gained both a step mother and father between 8-11years old, and my mother undermined everyone’s attempts to discipline me. For instance, my step mum would tell me off and she would have a go at my dad, or my step dad would tell me I couldn’t have sweets as a punishment and my Mum would buy them for me anyway in secret. Your children need to know their on your side, but also that none of you can treat your new man like a doormat or it will cause problems later when he does take on more of a paternal role and less of a friend one.

Sorry 😐 just read it’s been 5 years on and off. Are you ready to commit to each other? Not sure why, but it really helped my brother to feel settled after my parents moved in with their new spouses and married them.