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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im worried about the way my son is with people

12 replies

jampot · 10/04/2007 21:24

Ds doesnt seem to interact very well with many people. He tends to have a best friend who is the be all and end all although he does go round with a group at school, his current best friend being in the group. This friend is, I feel, taking advantage of ds and is making him pay for his friendship. This is the same one who we think stole dh's and ds's mobile phones. Last week ds gave him his ipod which despite asking for it he still hasnt given back. We were supposed to be going to Blackpool yesterday and originally dh said this friend could come then changed his mind because of various things. I saw a message on msn last week from this friend to ds saying if he didnt do something then he was going to tell us something that ds had done. Ds confessed under pressure from me that they had thrown some stones and broke a neighbours glass pane on a greenhouse but the thought that he was being blackmailed worried me. Today his pal asked if he could come over and ds begged to let him come so I did cave in. I overheard the pal ask ds to sell him a few PS2 games (despite having no money on him). Ds also asked for his allowance when he was here. It transpires this boy told him that there was this limited edition game he could get that would only be available for another month and that if he gave him these games and cash he could get it. Luckily I interrupted their trade off and explained that ds wasnt allowed to trade with friends.

Ds has admitted that he feels he needs to do these things to keep him as a friend as he doesnt have many it makes me very sad for him. Ive tried getting him to join scouts/cubs etc but he's not interested. He does play basketball and golf but there's no interaction other than playing the game/having the lesson.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 10/04/2007 21:31

are you close to the friend's mother? would you possiblt be able to talk to his parents about the behaviour?

NadineBaggott · 10/04/2007 21:31

aww jampot how awful for your ds and you too!

I'm afraid I'm a bit of an 'in there' mother and I'd outright ask the boy for ds's ipod back myself, just so he knows you know what's going on. Kind of make him aware you've got your eye on him and you're watching. Subtle I'm not!

Even at the risk of embarrassing my ds I would do this. If the boy drops him it will be hard for your ds but by the sounds of it he's much better off without him, he doesn't sound very nice at all. In fact he sounds like a bully.

jampot · 10/04/2007 21:32

no - i only know the mum well enough to arrange an after school/weekend visit.

I think he rules the roost at home and she panders to him a bit i think

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 10/04/2007 21:33

how old is he jampot?

jampot · 10/04/2007 21:33

10 and a half (that half is very important)

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giraffeski · 10/04/2007 21:36

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giraffeski · 10/04/2007 21:37

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HullaBalloo · 10/04/2007 21:45

jampot, I completely understand your concern - my ds was similar when he was at school.Is there anyone else in the group that your ds could make a best friend of ? Are there any other interests that your ds has that could lead to more suitable friendships ? Like your ds, mine is disinterested in scouts and most sport although he does also play golf and I have even suggested my ds might try donning tights and jazz shoes and join Stagecoach in an effort to extend his social boundaries and I have to say he was incredibly unimpressed with the idea !

jampot · 10/04/2007 21:50

gski - yes they are Today he even put a piccie he found on my computer as ds's pic on msn and a girl from school was online . Ds is very upset

Gski2 - woohoo ! the house you showed me??

Hullaballo - i had contemplated mentioning a drama group but feel i would be met with teh same relucatance as you

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giraffeski · 10/04/2007 21:54

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Wotzsaname · 10/04/2007 21:59

jampot my dd is nearly 11 and she has gone through a phase of not wanting to play with her school friends at all outside of school. She plays with some of my friends children but 'doesn't realy like anyone in her class, that much'.

I am looking forward to her going to her new secondary in Sep to make some new friends and FWIW, she is too. Maybe it is a phase they go through at this age. They have sort of outgrown primary school and some of their mates too.

jampot · 10/04/2007 22:19

dd who is now 14 outgrew primary school during year 6 but there were only 6 girls in her year so easily done. Ds has only been at this school for 18 months so still plenty of people to hang out with.

Ive asked how he would feel if I suggested drama club - "devastated" was his response

I may try and find some weird geeky science thing for him to join and force him to invite other children to the house

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