Tricky subject of wanting/not wanting kids!

[user1471465348]

Hello
This is my first post here, but I've been reading them for a while. I initially came across Mumsnet as was looking for advice about something else, and stayed ever since, as it's helpful (and amusing sometimes!).

Anyway, I've been seeing a lovely guy for around 9 months now. I'm 39 (no kids), he's 43 (3 kids).
I've always thought I didn't want kids, and at the moment am not too bothered either way. Never had a strong desire or anything, so I've been quite content pootling along. This guy is my first proper relationship in a while too.
It came up last night in a phone call, that my bf doesn't want any more kids. He says it's not the fact he doesn't want them, he just thinks he's getting too old. Fair enough I thought! He asked me if I wanted them...I said I didn't know, because I don't! I don't honestly know why we've never talked about it before. Maybe I thought because he loves kids, he'd be quite open about it..I don't know! Maybe he didn't really know for sure (on his dating profile, it said 'open/undecided).
So, I feel massively sad! Because I basically said, it has to end, as i can't risk wanting a child further down the line, and we sort of ended the conversation there.
I got a text this morning saying he didn't want us to finish! Neither do I. We get on so well, and I love him! I don't know what advice I'm after. I'm so confused. Maybe I'll want one, maybe I won't! I also realise time is not on my side.

Please just offer some nice words (I'm feeling very down and haven't told anyone), or what you would do if you were in this situation.

Thank you. S

User one of the reasons my ex ended things was because he’d convinced himself I wanted DC. I’d never said that ever. Just tread carefully here. I’m jaded because he also said he didn’t know how to be a DF and a DP at the same time. It’s was all rubbish and his excuse to end things leaving his own ego and reputation intact. To everyone except me that is. Don’t get too over invested too early. Your situation identically mirrors mine. And I’m very very hurt right now. Look deep into yourself over the DC issue. I now realise I threw myself into that relationship thinking that if he didn’t want any more DC i could be a SM. I thought I’d be ok with that, I might have been. He told me to start with he would have more DC. In a deep late night conversation later (when we’d discussed me ttc with an ex) he suggested we ttc straight away. My head never really knew what was going on. Just be sure what you want

Surely there isn't much 'further down the line' of wanting to have children and being able to. You might not even be able to already. If you want them then leave him immediately and find someone to have them with/have them alone but if you've got this far without wanting them I doubt that you will do it's not really worth ending your relationship over. It seems, from the above at least, like children are a very remote possibility.

Yes I know. I'm thinking about everything right now and I value everyone's input.
I haven't really been in a position in the past to really think about having them tbh. Not being able to find a decent guy and being in love with a gay friend put the stoppers on any thoughts.
But I take on board what everyone has said. If it is too late, I'd be sort of relieved! Because there's no ifs or buts then. I suppose I'm only thinking about it now because it's potentially being taken away!
If that makes sense.