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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

'I hardly slept at all', bollocks you didn't...

43 replies

Zaphodsotherhead · 11/10/2017 19:46

Does anyone have an OH with this condition? It's an actual medical condition (I think, but can't remember the name of). My OH will lie down and fall into a dead sleep within literal seconds (while I'm still tossing and turning and trying to get comfortable) and be snoring and twitching in his sleep all night, keeping me awake. He'll then wake up and tell me that he hardly slept a wink all night and was tossing and turning, awake all the time (which I absolutely know not to be true, on account of having been kept awake by him all night).

He somehow perceives his ten second awakenings to last for hours. Can anyone remember what this is called and does anyone else have a partner who does this?

OP posts:

Flopjustwantscoffee · 11/10/2017 22:54

Ahhhhh, 2 days into a 3 day labour my ex told me "you have no idea how tired I am" apparently APPARENTLY he had not slept at all over the previous 2 nights because, and I quote, "your groaning was disturbing me" when I pointed out that he'd been snoring pretty heavily for someone who was awake, and that I had seen him asleep (being awake myself on account of y'know childbirth ) I was arguing for the sake of it. TWAT.

Original poster

Zaphodsotherhead · 11/10/2017 22:56

He doesn't, he gets baffled. I told him before about the pseudoamnesia (thank you for the name) because I'd heard a programme on the radio about it, so he recognises it now. But he still feels as though he's been awake for hours,, although he now realises that he really hasn't. I think he was puzzled by how he could be 'awake all night' and yet feel moderately rested in the morning.

OP posts:

Cheesecakeistheanswer · 11/10/2017 22:57

SO in the same boat! He falls asleep on the sofa every night. If he does briefly stir he'll make a random comment - then go back to sleep!!

Joysmum · 11/10/2017 23:04

Same as gamerchick

He wasn't getting deep sleep and his sleep study showed an average of 96 sleep interruptions an hour despite him snoring away and being 'asleep'!

Thank goodness we funded s private sleep study. The snoring was the least of it. He was at very high risk of stroke or heart problems which is now reduced because of the CPAP.

He also now doesn't snore and doesn't fall asleep during the day plus he sleeps for about 3 hours less a night but is perfectly rested.

Cookingongas · 11/10/2017 23:09

I know it can be a serious issue-sleep apnea etc. BUT yes know exactly what you mean. Dh does this. Often. And no it’s not sleep apnea or anything else. It’s ridiculous. We argued once when he was blind drunk. Blind drunk. I slept on the sofa- well- spent the night tossing the dogs off me, taking the batteries out of a ticking clock and getting increasingly angry at listening to dh snore obscenely loudly. Finally dropped off, dh woke came down and cuddled me saying “I’ve hardly slept cooking, I’m sorry, we should never go to bed apart ! “ bollocks didn’t he sleep! I heard whilst up contemplating our marriage!—something of an overreaction—

Smurfy23 · 11/10/2017 23:18

DH is the worst for this. Convinces himself he got no sleep. Its always particularly bad when ive had a bad nights sleep- like its a competition to be the most tired and he has to win it!!

Hairq · 12/10/2017 11:06

Yes!! Snoring all bughthe but claims to have. Surely slept. Drives me mad.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 12/10/2017 11:11

My husband has tried this on with me.

To which I retort, 'you don't snore when you are awake' i.e. you were snoring therefore you were asleep.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 12/10/2017 11:18

I had this last night. Feel like daddy bear in Peace at Last by Jill Murphy!

sirbedevere · 12/10/2017 12:15

Hahahaha this has cheered me up so much. Have just split with bf who had a genuine medical condition that sometimes gives him awful nights sleep, so the question 'did you sleep ok?' would come up a lot. But on nights where it hadn't affected him at all he would moan 'oh no not good at all - I woke for a pee at 2am' or 'no I woke up at 3 (but went straight back!!!!) and I've been tired all day'. Ffs!!! I had to point out that sleep cycles mean that nobody consistently sleeps ALL night without briefly waking up once or twice. Drove me up the wall, especially as I've got DC who frequently wake in the night & need to be taken to the toilet or a nappy change. I'd bloody love to g t a night of going to bed whenever I feel like and only waking up momentarily before being able to drift back off and sleep until the alarm.

sirbedevere · 12/10/2017 12:20

God I sound heartless 🙈 but it was definitely within a pattern of being incredibly negative and overblowing every little thing. Like if I accidentally brushed against him he'd go 'OUCH!' but if I questioned him - 'did I really hurt you then? I'm so sorry' etc he'd admit it hadn't hurt at all. Bizarre!

sirbedevere · 12/10/2017 12:21

silkpyjamasallday · 12/10/2017 12:45

DP does this and it makes me murderous. We cosleep with our 13 month old, but DD always stays on my side where her cot is, and I breastfeed through the night and sleep very lightly. I keep her on my side precisely because he sleeps so deeply and I wouldn't want him to roll on her. He is snoring the second his head hits the pillow and is never awake when I'm feeding DD. He then has the cheek to say he slept terribly and asks if he can have a lie in he will often claim the baby was climbing on him at 3am or some such to justify how tired he is when I've pointed out I was up every hour feeding all night. It's total lies! If DD could climb over me and wake him without waking me I wouldn't cosleep. I know I wake at the slightest snuffle, which is why it is safe. He is just selfish with sleep tbh

scottishdiem · 12/10/2017 17:28

If you think snoring is restful sleeping then you might need to check up on a few things. As others have noted, there are a wide range of sleep disorders - many of which can leave the sufferer feeling as if they had no/very disrupted sleep.

If he has been consistently like this then he needs to speak to a GP and get a sleep study done.

Raisinsaretoddlercrack · 12/10/2017 18:05

I second the suggestion for a fitness tracker that shows sleep. My DH does this too and we have recently found out he's talking bollocks

DoublyTroubly · 12/10/2017 18:28

To be fair, I’ve got a sleep tracker (fitbit) which definitely overestimates my sleep. Eg, if I’ve been awake for over 30min on my phone (so definitely haven’t dosed back off), then check my sleep tracking it will often say I’ve woken up that minute! Or if I know I’ve been awake continuously since 4 (on phone again), it will say that I’ve dosed off and on since then. I think it’s because I don’t move my left arm and am very relaxed

Ps I know it’s very bad sleep hygiene to read on your phone in the night but I know from experience that if I don’t go back to sleep within 10min it will be at least 90 min before I can drop off again

Joysmum · 12/10/2017 19:08

If you think snoring is restful sleeping then you might need to check up on a few things

Well said.

kmc1111 · 12/10/2017 19:35

Fitness trackers don't do a great job of tracking sleep. Mine doesn't pick up on the fact I've woken until I get up or tap it to check the time, and then if I don't move again it'll often show I'm asleep again when I'm very much not. If you sleep normally it's good for a general guide, but if you don't sleep normally it's pretty useless and only really tracks how long you were in bed.

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