I can't believe I am writing this on here but I feel I have no one else to turn to. I am thinking of leaving my partner. It has been a long time coming to be honest but over the past week a lot of things have come to ahead and I am sick of him.
We have been together for 8 years. We have a 7 year old together. Over these 7 years he has shown me very little support and I feel he constantly puts everyone but me and our child first.
I do not currently work and I feel so down about it. I am looking for jobs in school hours but I am unable to find anything. I have just completed a course and gained a qualification but I feel I have done it for nothing as I am unable to find a job with it at the present moment. I often get down and feel shit about not having a job, I try to tell my partner how I feel but he couldn't care less. He constantly reminds me that he works, he spends nearly all his wages on paying for me and our child and although we share a joint account for our main bills and food, he only gives me £20 to live off a month to get things like my hair cut, make up, Christmas and Birthday presents with.
He works a mix of night and day shifts which I hate but he does not seem to care about. I have asked him to change shifts, look for a new job but he has no interest in doing so. This means that I am unable to even look for a job in the evening as his shift work is irregular. I need something in the day which leaves me with not many options. I only need a part time job - anything that just gets me out making my own money.
My partner has a terrible temper and recently he has been getting stressed out. Mainly over his family. They look after his sisters child every week for 3-4 days but our child is never even asked about. His parents keep giving his sister handouts but we get nothing. I am not bitter about this - it is their loss and their money to choose what they do with it but I wonder if this is causing him stress? His other family members comment on the lack of involvement his parents and sister have with our child however he makes excuses for them over and over again which annoys me. I know this will never change though because he is so far up their arses.
This week I pulled him up on not being around for our child enough. When he is on shift work, he would rather go round his parents house on his days off than spend time with our child or me. It got pretty heated with him shouting at me about my own family (I see them once a week at the weekends if I am lucky) and I did tell him to fuck off away from me because I feel like he constantly makes digs at my family. They are much more supportive than himself or his family. At which point he decided he would launch a live electrical item in my direction and sulk downstairs.
After it happened, I didn't mention it as he has done other stuff to me before (not on this level but has pushed me over) and I can't be bothered with the arguments. From that point however I have been feeling pretty upset with him.
Last night whilst at work he rang me to tell me he was going to see his family tonight. I explained that he had promised our child he would put them to bed tonight - if he goes out he will not and we left it at that. I thought he may think about that however I knew deep down he wouldn't give a shit. When he got home I asked was he going out and he said yes. I explained that I felt he was letting our child down at which point he shouted at me calling me a cunt and stormed off.
In the past he has called me several names including a fat cunt. I have put a lot of weight on since I had our child and I feel shit enough about myself. I just feel calling me a cunt was hurtful and today I am upset about it. Maybe I shouldn't be? Maybe I should just see it as a word but I feel it is very disrespectful. This morning he is trying to be fine with me but I can barely talk to him. I don't want to be near him.
I am sick to death of being second best and at the moment I feel I parent our child on my own. My partner has missed parent evenings, doctor apps and out of 9 nights, he has seen his child only 3. He constantly lets our child down. I get he has to work but why not look for a new job that suits both of us? Why not bother with us on his days off? When he is on nights he sees our child for less than 35 mins in the morning before it is time for school - I take our child to school also. I have done every day since our child started school.
His argument is he provides for us. My point is whats the point of 'providing' if there is no supporting? I am sad and I don't know how to make things better. I worry if we split up I will have nothing. We don't own our house. I have no income. :(