Why is he so unsupportive?

[perrypausal]

Ok some back story. I was fairly high in my profession when I had my 2 and 3 child. So given my partner worked very long hours, was often away from home and earns enough to support us I gave up my job to stay at home.

My youngest are now both at school and so I joined out PTA, if I’m honest for frieanda and a social circle more than anything. Yesterday I was asked to take the roll as Lead Chair and will be voted in tomorrow night at the meeting. I was so pleased. For so long now I have felt a bit like an employee at home. I also was given the chance of some part time free lance work by a local small company.

I have said to my other half many times over the last few months that I’d love to do something...... be that study, set up on my own....anything so both these opportunities are brilliant for me.

He isn’t so keen. To the point that I don’t really even talk about them because he will be critical or unencouraging (sp) last night I told him about the PTA thing and he went silent didn’t talk the rest of the night. This morning I just asked was he unhappy about it and he said he didn’t want to talk about it.

I just don’t understand why? I would never in a million years stop him doing something he wanted to. He has real freedom here. He goes away to watch his sport. He can do what he likes.

I’m going to force a conversation on this tonight. Can you give me any advice on how to convince him and B. How to not cry cos that would really piss me off. 🙂

Any men around I’d love to hear your views too.

Thanks peeps.

I think he will stonewall you if you try to have a conversation with him.

He can do as he pleases, you cannot in his eyes. Your role in his eyes is to stay home, clean house and clear up after him and the kids. In his view you should have no life outside the home and he is resentful of the fact that you now do. He thinks that your place is in the home.
Silences like he has shown you are really another power play and a form of emotional abuse. Silence in this case is done to punish you for your actions.

I would think long and hard about your own future within this relationship particularly if you are not married to him (I see reference to other half hence this comment). You've probably given way too much power over to him as it is, do not give in on this because you should have a life outside the home. Do not give away any more power to him.

Maybe it’s because you keep changing your mind. I flit a lot from one career plan to another. I have been saying for a while I would like to open a shop. DP said if I still want do so in 10 years we will do it. 😂 So it might happen or I might want to do something different entirely. Watch the space 😂

Thank you all for the advice. I decided against having the conversation at this time. I took on both the job as Chair person and I decided to do the freelance work. (I have done this sort of work for him and other family members so I know I can do it) i
Am also looking for advice on how to formalise this into a self employed business. When I have a proper solid plan I will then tell him this is what I will be doing.

I agree I gave up all my power in this relationship when I became reliant on him. I’m so ashamed at the example that sets for my daughter.

Thanks again for the advice.

For me I had this. My ex was not supportive in anything I did. If I said I wanted to return to work instead of being a SAHM, he didn't want me to, yet he'd complain about how all the finances were on him. However, when I set up my own business that became very successful our relationship just dissolved. He was jealous and scared of me being completely independent as he KNEW that I was a strong independent woman when he met me and he had TURNED ME into this domestic woman that I did not want to be!
It sounds like you want to be the woman you were before, successful and earning for yourself. At the end of the day you DON'T need his support. Do what YOU want to do, and I just hope that he will stand by you, but if he doesn't then that's his loss and at least you can support yourself again xx

I agree I gave up all my power in this relationship when I became reliant on him. I’m so ashamed at the example that sets for my daughter.

DO NOT BE ASHAMED! You gave up a lot to spend time raising your daughter and being a family. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. But now you know that you want to be a strong provider for your daughter, and you will be. Show her that mummy doesn't need to rely on anyone. I was brought up with a mum that still relies on my dad even though we are all in our 30's now, and I would hate to be like that myself. My mum couldn't leave even if she wanted to as she's so dependent on my dad. I never want to be that way again. We live and learn...don't be hard on yourself xx

You aren't married? If you aren't then you really need to do this and work more.

Even if you are you need to set the example to your kids and show him that you are not in his shadow.

Men like this give me the rage (I'm a single mum and believe me life is much easier than being in a shitty and unequal relationship)

'You don't seem happy about this. Can you explain why? If not I will have to assume it's because you think women should stay at home and not contribute to society in other ways. I am very comfortable with this attitude, it makes me question our relationship , that it's not mutually supportive. Ibe encouraged and supported you through your career while stepping away from mine. I think I have to looks t getting a job and being more independent if you are going to be so pathetic about this'

*uncomfortable!