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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Who is the unreasonable one?

40 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 10/10/2017 08:15

OH's brother is getting married abroad and as usual I was left to book and sort absolutely everything including washing and ironing OH's clothes. The only thing I asked him to do was sort out the kids tablets as the charging was dodgy (asked him about a month ago).

I kept reminding him and then today he tells me he can't fix them (day before we leave). He was dropping me to the train station and because I said I was annoyed that he didn't do the one thing I asked he started roaring at me in front of the kids, calling me stupid, saying I'm causing a row and making comments about my father.

I'm furious. I'm so sick of him. I'm not even looking forward to this holiday because MIL is just like him. Was I in the wrong to expect one thing to be sorted. He just floats around detached all the time.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2017 08:24

I mean this politely, but what the hell are you doing? He called you a cunt and you and the kids are still there? Leave. Immediately. Get on a plane, go home. Go to another hotel. Whatever, and if anyone asks, explain colds that your husband called you a cunt in front of your children and not only will you not tolerate it, you will not permit your kids to see that and think it should be tolerated either.

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 08:39

Cambionme - thanks. I am going to start sorting things out. I'm glad I'm writing stuff down because sometimes I do wonder if I've made it up in my head

OP posts:

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 08:46

Angelf1sh - you're right. I shouldn't be applauding him for just getting the kids ready for school. He shows no regard for them by treating me like that in front of them.

Years ago (pre kids) he tried to strangle me after a night out. We were living in a different country. I rang one of my friends and he hopped on the first plane to cone and get me. I played down the situation. I wish I had left on the plane with my friend. I feel like such a fool and so guilty for my kids all the time.

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Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 08:48

Bluntness - I don't have the money to book into another hotel. When I get home I'm going to try and pay off my credit card asap so I can leave him then. If I left right now I'd be very financially vulnerable.

OP posts:

Locomotionwithme · 15/10/2017 08:59

Definitely look up the freedom programme. The charm he puts on the outside for everyone else to see is all part of his head games. He sounds text book, like a classic narcissist. Women’s aid can also be very helpful in these situations. Good luck with everything

Angelf1sh · 15/10/2017 09:15

He tried to strangle you? You need to get away from him the first second you can.

springydaffs · 15/10/2017 09:51

If you're married then you WON'T be financially vulnerable when you split. I think you will be very pleasantly surprised what your are entitled to...

See a lawyer when you get home. You can see a lawyer for a free fiat half hour to get an idea of what you will be entitled to when you split.

DONT LET HIM KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PLANNING.

Is he self employed?

springydaffs · 15/10/2017 09:53

Women's Aid will have a list of lawyers you can approach.

Find your local WA here

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 09:55

Springdaffs - I'm not in the UK so not sure about the free half hour but I'll look into it. I work part time and he works full time. He earns a really good wage with the promise of excellent bonuses too.

He has no idea I'm planning to leave

OP posts:

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 09:56

Angelf1sh - he did that 9 years ago. He has an awful temper.

OP posts:

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 09:57

Locomotion - I've been reading up a lot on narcissists and he is 100% that. His mother is too and she's also a sociopath

OP posts:

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 16:55

I just want to write these things down so I don't forget them. This afternoon he asked me about the length of his shorts and if they were the proper length. I said they were fine a few and the last time he said it I said I don't know as I don't tend to look at mens short length. I was told I was snapping, causing a row and he also called me a clown.

At dinner he got some food on the table and said on 2.occasions. Oh it's not usually me that's the messy one, that's you. I'm starting to notice more and more things or maybe I'm over sensitive.

OP posts:

Cambionome · 15/10/2017 18:18

He sounds awful. p

Original poster

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/10/2017 19:09

Cambione - he really is but has everyone fooled

OP posts:

LocomotionWithMe · 15/10/2017 21:22

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 write it all down in a diary, if you can. Keep a record of all the things he says and does to you. Will all be useful to have handy when need be. Court, etc. Narcissists will usually try and hit you were it hurts when you break away from them by trying to go for custody of the kids. So having a record will go in your favour. Also go to the gp and get something on official file about his behaviour.

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