DH accidentally exposed own lies and cheat. What To Do?

[Momazing]

Hi moms out there,

This just happened today. I am a mom with a 6 year old. Been with the DH for 15 years. This weekend he is away on a business trip visiting a trade show. He travels about 2-3 times a year to trade shows, not an awful lot. And usually I don't suspect him of anything when he is away.

I was out at the shopping mall with my kid when I saw DH name flashed up on the screen. I thought it's strange that he would call me on the mainline when he's abroad, usually he would use WhatsApp to call instead.

When I picked up the phone. He said: " Hi babe, where are you? I am done at the trade show. You want to meet me where you left me earlier?"

I was confused. I thought to myself, isn't he in Vienna? And then it clicked my mind, that he dialled the wrong number which called my phone instead of another woman? He is there with another woman?!

I then said to him straight:" I am in the shopping mall with (kid), aren't you in Vienna? Who are you calling babe? Who are you in Vienna with? You realised you called the wrong number and reached my phone, you actually fucked yourself up here. You are lying and cheating behind my back!"

He then pretended the line was bad and hung up. I tried to call him back straight away but it was not reachable. My heart was racing, aching, trying not to cry in the mall full of people and holding my 6 year old's hand.

I then moved to a quiet corner trying to hide my tears. He called back. Frantically trying to explain that he didn't say what I thought h said?! I told him: " oh no.. I believe what I heard, I believe my own ears more than your words right now. You are basically trying to save your own mess now that you accidentally exposed your own lies and cheat."

He told me he swear on our child's and his mother's life that he is not cheating on me that I misheard him. ( I thought why the need to swear one someone's life) He asked me to calm down and have a proper talk with him about this. I ended the phone call and been ignoring all his calls and message since.

He is heading back tomorrow evening. Before he gets back, I plan to just disappear on him by getting a hotel room for couple of nights ( with my kid) just to get away from him and have some space to think about my next step. I want him to know this is serious and he could potentially loose his family. I will have to take my kid off school for 2 days which i feel guilty of but I guess I need to do.

I haven't told any of my friends but I desperately need to talk to someone and hear some advice.

Thanks.

You can't change the locks if jointly owned (or if rented), you are right Shelly.

If the house is yours alone, OP, then you could.

Hi all,

Thanks for taking the time to write your replies. I have never posted my personal life on a public forum before. I feel better sharing this load out and reading what you all have to say. I can feel your support. I am grateful to be able to find support here as I don't have my immediate family in this country with me. And I don't want to burden them with this horrible news.

I will deal with him calmly but firmly when he gets back.

@mathanxiety Thanks for your constructive advice. Sounds like to smart plan.

Pack his bags, let him stay somewhere else while you sort your head out.
Im sorry op, it does sound like he is cheating, or was going to.
Dont let him try to convince you otherwise

Agree with mathanxiety.

He’s in the wrong. Don’t disrupt your son’s life or yours by leaving. Tell him not to return for the moment. Pack him some clothes and leave them by the door. Don’t tell your son anything other than “daddy’s trip is going to be longer than he thought” don’t slag him off to him.

You need to make decisions with a cool head, not in a stew at some hotel with a disrupted and unhappy child holed up in the same room.

Stay in your house, make him find somewhere else. Whilst alone you can go through all the financial details and records you can find, copy everything, take photos etc. You might find more evidence of cheating, and if this ends in divorce you want to have a good accurate picture of the finances so he can't hide anything.

This. If he lies and cheats you can't trust him to be honest with his finances if it comes to divorce.

See if you can get into any of his email accounts or look on his credit/debit card bills before he returns... You don’t need more evidence, but it might help you.

His punishment must be that he can't be in his own house, not that you have to leave it.

Get your ducks in a row and snoop as much as possible- he knows you are on to him so time is of the essence

Are you UK or US?

Either way get legal advice
Ltb

Just makes me wonder why he didn't ask who was on the line first like mentioning that persons name?.

Like "hi is that fancy bit on the side?".

Before arranging his bit of the other for that evening. I think some, perhaps most, men loose it sometimes under these conditions.

Poor you tho OP bin there got the tee shirt:-(

I'm so sorry that you are going through this alone, OP. I hope you can find someone in RL to support you too.

I agree with the others, don't you go anywhere, pack him a bag and send him off for a few days whilst you get yourself organised.

Yes, stay at home where everything is familiar for d's sake. Her toys, clothes, stuff is all there, yours is too. He's away so has essentials with him, pack some clothes and things for him, what he might heed for wek away, and then tell him you need space to consider and that you will meet him to discuss it all in a couple of days. Choose somewhere comfortable but public.

Tomorrow you can see a solicitor to find out where you stand, and contact CAB for what you might be entitled to. This is ot assuming you'll split up, but it will be helpful for you to know thes things.

Good luck. I'm so sorry you have to go through it.

Hope everything goes as smoothly as it can when he gets back OP xxx

Hope you're doing ok OP.