Teary and not enjoying life - what can I do?

[ItsJustAnotherPointlessDay]

I can’t seem to be able to pull myself up and I’m worried I’m getting depressed. H left 12 months ago. Emotional affair, he chose potentially being with her over his marriage to me. 4 year marriage, 10 year relationship.

Shouldn’t I be better by now?

I hate living on own, I have no children and am scared I will never have. I still get teary at the thought of it all, I get teary about the future, I’m scared, I’m lonely. I spend a lot of my weekends alone. My friends are broadly understanding but all have busy lives of their own, their weddings, pregnancies and children etc. I feel so disconnected, no family of my own, I don’t know were to turn my life. I have no confidence to put myself out there and I just feel lonely and cry. It’s hard to make friends as everyone seems to so sorted with family etc. I tried a course but no one wanted to go for a drink afterward as they all needed to get home.

Meanwhile STBXH is enjoying his life, and I feel so useless.

I know this sounds pathetic compared to what others go through.

I don’t even know why I’m posting.

It is interesting that you say you keep zooming in on the negative. I've been there and after a while it is unfortunately totally just a habit.

The great thing is CBT can undo that. I was surprised just how effective it was, and has been a long term solution for me.

Be kind to yourself 12 months is such a short time to adjust. And 35 is young.

I really wish I had gone done the cbt route and nipped it in the bud, as pash said it becomes a habit. Now when things go wrong I go straight back to that negative mindset, I don't know how to undo the pattern.

I understand what you mean about habit. I notice I start doing it now in other areas of my life too. It’s taking over. Will contact some counsellors tonight.

Sorry to read that you are having such a tough time OP! I am glad that you have posted here. It seems a really positive approach.

Have you thought about using some of your time to volunteering? It is a way of meeting new people and new groups but it can be its own reward in other ways and really helps you feel differently about yourself. There are all lkinds of ways in which you can contribute.

Our area is a bit cut off- so anyone willing to drive can be a wonderful help to others. Visiting the lonely is something best done by those who know a bit about loneliness!

You are young and have much good ahead of you. There will be an end to this sadness.