My brother doesn't speak to me

[SMJYellow]

I have a few brothers. There are two living abroad in Australia. There is one younger brother living at home with our mother. He's now in his mid 20s. I also live at home.

Me and my brother at home used to get on well but not so much any more and I don't know where things have gone wrong. He hardly speaks any more.

I first noticed something back around about January or February of this year. He was a bit cold. There was zero conversation from him. I put it down to perhaps work stress. Perhaps tired from work or whatever.

Like I would try and make conversation like:
How was your day in work?
How was your night out (if he was out the night before)
Did J or G phone you lately? (J and G being the first initials of our brothers).

I would hardly get a reply from him. One word grunts at most, I would get from him.

He started dating earlier this year. He started taking the girlfriend home back in March. He didn't even ask our mothers permission. He came in hungover one Saturday evening, the girlfriend following him and in his room they stayed until Sunday night. I was hardly introduced to the woman. I was only introduced because I happened to rise very early one Saturday morning and we happened to meet in the kitchen.
Later that day, in the evening time, I asked you brother - hows M? Is she gone home? (M being the first initial of the girlfriends name). I got much and the same kind of a response from my brother - I got a one work grunt before he fled back to his bedroom.

Not only all that, there's been many opportunities for my brother to speak to me. Like, my boyfriend likes to take me out at times like going for a spin and visit on Sundays. We went for a break away back in August. My boyfriend took me for a weekend away for my birthday too. My brother could have spoken to me at any time and asked me anything like:
How was your day at ___ (insert tourist attraction/activity)
How was your break away? Did you enjoy yourself?
How was dinner? Where did you go for dinner?

However there is absolutely nothing from my brother in the form of conversations. He's not talking to me. At times there might be a 'hello' but that's it, there is no conversation from him. I have a hobby I like to work on regularly and he could even ask about that.

He's the same with our mother but he's even worse with her. The only time he speaks to our mother is when he's giving out to her and criticising her. He's being overly critical too and it's completely needless. Its like he's only happy when he's dishing out dirt.

I think, all this has gone on too long for work to be a reason. I work long and hard myself but I still speak to our mother and I'm not dishing out dirt to her.

It feels to me that he's so wrapped up in his girlfriend that family doesn't exist anymore to him. I could be wrong maybe there's other reasons he's being like this. I don't know.

I can't think of any row that we had for him to not speak to me.

Has anyone experience in similar. A sibling withdrawing from family.

I understand people grow up and meet partners and grow apart and all that. I have two brothers in Australia. One is settled with a partner and child and we are in touch a few times a year. Even though we don't hear from each other often, I know what is between us is solid. As for my brother at home - to grow apart into nothing where he hardly speaks except for a grunt. I'm not able to understand that.

[SMJYellow]

Guttedbysis,

You got things very wrong with your post there. You wrote:
'Why does he have to constantly check in on you',...

This isn't it at all.

We used to get on well together and from time to time enjoy chats and some drinks together. All of that is gone and replaced with one word grunts when I talk to him. Not only that giving out to our mother.
I'm trying to get my head around things here, that is all. I don't expect him to constantly check in on me and I'm not prying into his life or being too involved.

[SMJYellow]

Jayofthered, thank you for your lovely message.

That's it there. I'm absolutely gutted with the way things have gone and I feel sick with the way he's so cold.

[SMJYellow]

Cresit,

That's crazy. What is your brother? A cat marking his territory? It wouldn't surprise me if that's the case here. My brother used to be fantastic but he's gone downhill big time.

The thought about drugs did cross my mind.

[cresit]

It was a very long time ago with my brother, we were part of a large family, lots of boys and me, but us two had been quite close and yes he was trying to mark his territory I think. Strangely he acquired a girlfriend then and started spending a lot of time in his room with her. Sounds familiar, did the girlfriend appear after you got together with your boyfriend?

[cresit]

I've just remembered a huge row he had with my mum when he was yelling at her that he wasn't having my boyfriend moving in and taking over the house. My mum told him not to be ridiculous, we were getting a place of our own.

You don't mention your father, mine died when we were young, I think that may have been relevant.

[SMJYellow]

Cresit,

A lot of what you write is familiar. My father wasn't around growing up so it was a one parent family.

I have two older brothers. I get on well with all of them. One brother who is abroad has a child and I am a very proud Aunt and godmother to her. I would have been closest to the youngest brother though but not so much anymore.

Funnily enough we started dating in and around the same time as each other. I learned in January that my brother has a girlfriend. It was February when I met my boyfriend and started dating him.

It was January when I first noticed coldness from my brother. It was February and March when I noticed more coldness from my brother. It was April or May when I started bringing my boyfriend home about once a week or so.

I doubt it's jealous or marking territory that is from my brother but god knows really. My brother doesn't help any more around the house and it's my boyfriend who very kindly offered to help with some jobs. Maybe that's annoying my brother. God knows.