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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage counselling - did it help, make it worse or stay the same?

8 replies

user1499590110 · 04/10/2017 19:11

Just the above really...

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 04/10/2017 19:28

It helped me find a voice, it gave me a place where my now ex could not interupt me or make me feel what was happening was my fault, it certainly made him realise that his behaviour and treatment of me over a number of years was completely unacceptable, this was a massive turning point as he never thought any of his actions were wrong. We did end up divorcing, but he now treats me with the respect i deserve and he also apologises which he never did when we were married! Counselling has given me the strength to stand up for myself esp with the ex, it certainly helped me clear my confusion and fog within a lot of areas in my life.

bowtieandheels · 04/10/2017 19:28

In my experience it will only work if you're both willing to be completely honest. Don't bother if your partner is a pathological liar 🙁

bastardkitty · 04/10/2017 19:30

Very accurate and succinct there from bowtie ^^

user1499590110 · 04/10/2017 20:10

thanks for replies :)

OP posts:
CoyoteCafe · 04/10/2017 20:25

It helped us. We were both really angry with the other, and just kept having the same fights over and over. The first thing we learned in marriage counseling was how to have fair fights.

I really don't think we would still be together if we hadn't gone, and we are now very happy together. My vote is to try it. There is a sweetness to making marriage work, especially if you have children together.

However, if your husband is controlling, abusive, has a personality disorder, etc., marriage counseling can't fix it, and may make it worse. "Why Does He Do That?" is a very good book. No body can make a marriage work if one of the people is just too messed up for it to work, and some men use things that are shared in therapy to hurt / emotional abuse / control their spouses. If this is the case, all you can do is make an exit plan, and get counseling for yourself without him.

user1499590110 · 04/10/2017 22:08

thanks :)

OP posts:
Smurfy23 · 04/10/2017 22:58

It helped us. We were in a bad way and, honestly, it could very easily have ended but we wentbto counselling and worked through a lot. However that was because we both recognised there was a problem and we both wanted to fix it and try to move forward together.

HouseworkIsAPain · 04/10/2017 23:15

As Bowtie says, only if your partner isn't a liar. I'd also say it doesn't work if your partner is in any way controlling.

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