Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

At what point does talking become cheating?

21 replies

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 21:31

My OH is messaging a girl he’s met on Facebook. I feel awful for checking my his messages on his iPad but he’s been a bit secretive about a group he chats with people through and I got curious. They message quite late at night and are flirty and occasionally quite sexual in the language they use - although in a jokey manner. Sometimes he talks about our relationship with her - things he doesn’t talk to me about and he often asks what she’s wearing. She often in a roundabout way suggests he should look up train times to visit - although nothing direct. He mentions me in his comments so he isn’t hiding our relationship. The group he met her through are all quite rude (apparently that’s funny) to each other so I think if I confront him he’ll just say it’s oart of that type of ‘banter’. Am I wrong to think this is just not ok?? Am I being a stupid cow not confronting him about it??

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/10/2017 21:33

He's treading on very dangerous ground. Asking her what she's wearing is horrible - there's no way he can say they are just friends.

NashvilleQueen · 03/10/2017 21:35

I'm single. I have loads of male friends most of whom are in relationships. I don't exchange flirty texts or talk about their marriages with them. If they started anything like that I would cut off straight away.

NashvilleQueen · 03/10/2017 21:35

The conversation I mean 😆

magoria · 03/10/2017 21:40

Get rid.

You deserve better than a man who is secretive and sniffing around others.

SparklingRaspberry · 03/10/2017 21:42

I think he's well and truly crossed the point!

He may not be physically cheating but he's still disrespecting you.

You deserve better

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 21:51

I’m just a bit lost - really not sure what to do

OP posts:
nightshade · 03/10/2017 21:53

Ask can you join the group too....sounds like fun!...see his reaction..

C0untDucku1a · 03/10/2017 21:55

Leave him.

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 21:58

Got 2 gorgeous kids that would be utterly devastated if we split - don’t think I can do that, much as I feel like it right now

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 03/10/2017 22:04

Do you think youd leave when they start sending each other naked photos? Or when he visits her? Or when they have sex? As thats what he clearly wants to do.

highinthesky · 03/10/2017 22:06

My OH is messaging a girl he’s met on Facebook.

Your OH is disrespecting you. Let him make a fool of himself, but not at your expense. LTB first.

Binghasalottoanswerfor · 03/10/2017 22:07

You can't stay in a relationship for the kids. Take it from me - I was one of the kids whose parents did. My childhood was awful. Arguments, the lot. Horrible. Has destroyed my view of men. Now a single mother at 33 and blame a lot of it on my childhood

nightshade · 03/10/2017 22:08

I think u at least need to have a discussion with him before jumping to the leave him position ..

highinthesky · 03/10/2017 22:09

Got 2 gorgeous kids that would be utterly devastated if we split - don’t think I can do that, much as I feel like it right now

They will be, but that will be the case whenever you split so perhaps earliest broken, soonest mended applies here. OH doesn't have the slightest consideration for you or your family setup, otherwise he wouldn't be doing this. It is a pity the kids will suffer, but it is not you that is in the wrong. You're doing this for the sake of your family.

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 22:18

Thanks - I’m not bonkers then at least! Always a silver lining. I’m just really sad about it all, we’ve been together a long time and we’ve never been loves young dream but I honestly never thought he’d do something like this. It’s just so boringly middle aged and stereotypically mid life crisis. I thought he was more interesting than that! Proved me wrong though

OP posts:
Ysolla · 03/10/2017 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 22:35

Thanks that’s a useful suggestion - I’m going to mull it over for a while before I decide what to do...

OP posts:
nightshade · 03/10/2017 22:47

Good idea!

SandyY2K · 03/10/2017 23:02

Would he be okay if the tables were turned?

Can you run a scenario past him where a relationship ended because of a similar thing and gauge his view.

janaus · 03/10/2017 23:04

To me, anything a person says and does, and would not do so in front of wife, and hides it, is cheating. Chatting up, over phone calls or chat rooms is cheating

Jcr7333 · 03/10/2017 23:09

That might be a good way to tackle it... I’ll think on that

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page