Should I divorce my husband

[Sparkless]

I've been with my hubby 13yrs since I was 20, I'm now 33yrs old. When I met him I had just been through a terrible time and he was like my best friend. I don't actually ever remember a honeymoon period and this troubles me. I don't remember us being crazy about each other. And he admits he was very immature and never used to treat right when I was in My 20's. he is a lot better now.
He also never really cut the apron ties with his mother or childhood family and this has caused arguments throughout our relationship.

I also got cold feet before we married but have since been content, with two beautiful children age 2 and age 5.

However I seem to have come into my own my self--esteem has rocketed and now feel like I should leave the relationship and be on my own despite the turmoil, heartache and financial implications (which really worries me). I was out with my friends and a man really liked me and I really wanted to ask for his number but couldn't as I'm married. I don't feel sexually attracted to my husband and don't really remember a time I wanted to rip his clothes off, I'm only 33 and don't want to end up bitter and twisted and feeling life passed me by as I stay in this quite platonic relationship. He will give me a really hard time if I leave.

I really don't know whether wanting to be free to find a bit of passion and someone who really likes me (as I sometimes feel I'm just a convenience for the hubby) is a good enough reason to leave.
Counselling isn't an option I can't really tell my husband I don't fancy him anymore without ending the relationship anyway.

What should I do please help.

I don't believe all the goods ones get taken up early ^. Absolute bollocks.

Loads of people make mistakes in their choice of life partner and find happiness second (or third) time around. We live so long these days we shouldn't close our selves off to possible happiness with someone else. And desire in a relationship is critical.

Greasy is dead right. Don't stay just cos he's not abusive. Try to amicably separate but separate and enjoy your life.

I would absolutely try courselling, you owe your marriage that much. Have you told your dh how you are feeling? Perhaps giving him the chance to try and be better? You said that you have felt contented with him, so it is perfectly possible to feel that again.

All relationships have their ups and downs, and years when they are not so great and others when you feel wonderful together.

You are still young and you may be yet to experience some of the downsides of life, serious losses, health issues, bereavement. You may think he is too 'safe' now, but this may be a real benefit in later years.

Your children's lives will be ripped to pieces. I have yet to see a happy divorce, it does not exist. Their security and foundations will be taken away and it will hurt them deeply, lets not gloss over the pain this will cause to everyone just for the sake of some excitement (this will wear thin pretty quickly trust me) and to feel sexy and young again.

Why not channel some of that new found energy into your marriage?

Everyone gets bored from time to time, but fast forward ten years and you are 43 and still on tinder this might not seem such a good idea after all.

By the way you would not say in counselling 'you don't fancy him' just like that, just that the shine has gone from that area of your relationship at the moment. It needn't be a deal breaker discussing your sex life.

You sound quite immature to me, and the fact you seem unable to tell dh that the sexual side of your relationship is in some trouble says everything about why you are in this situation in the first place.

Of course the OP is "all about the OP " - it is HER story and how she feels!

Some of you have very odd attitudes on here - she stays because she has children ???

Think some of you have been very harsh on this poster - she was young, she has grown apart and if she feels like this now then believe me it is never going to get any better !

sparkless you are young and you will not end up being on your own. Let this drag on for years and break up when the kids are off your hands or you are in your 50s or 60s - much higher chance of ending up on your own !

Yes I'm 33, have no baggage, tall, confident, described as very attractive nice personality, work out loads so very athletic figure (size 10 think lean with well defined abs)...

literally going through many men- even the good ones on paper have issues... I get the best luck when in and around London but still live in another vibrant city (in using the aps so location dependent)

be careful what you wish for

Disclaimer... not a stealth boast

My post refers to the trying OLD which is pretty much how most people do it these days... my stumbling block is I'm quite specific about skill set for the guy

Well it’s been a few months and I’ve stayed to try and make it work but found my head else where. I’ve tried to end it twice but each time I can’t go through with it as I feel sick to my stomach and worry I’m doing the wrong thing and I hate seeing him so hit and upset.
I just wondered how do you know it’s the end? I can seem to make a decision.

I keep thinking ‘what if’ and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking ‘what if’ but I also don’t want to make a massive mistake I think I would miss him so much. 13yrs is a long time.

I think you did have a terrible time when you were younger and meeting this man was a way out of and from all that crap. He rescued you but a person cannot ever act as either a rescuer or saviour in a relationship. You still do not owe him a relationship even now.

You and he need to be apart; its not working when you are together and you are both showing your kids a crap example of how a relationship works.

Yes 13 years is a long time but do not get stuck on the sunken costs fallacy which also happens in relationships. A bad investment is not going to suddenly become good. Staying specifically for the sake of the children is a bad idea because it also teaches them that their parents relationship was based on a lie.

OP - I'd say end the marriage, it's not working and you will eventually make each other miserable.

But. Don't end the marriage with 'dating new guys' being your main focus. Spend some time alone with your kids. Learn who you are, and what you want out of life, rather than trying to hitch your waggon to some new guy who, inevitably, won't be Mr Perfect either.

Know yourself first. Then, maybe, when the kids are a bit older, start dipping your toe in the dating pool. But don't make it the be all and end all. Learn to be happy single.

Thanks ladies. Always great advice on here.
My husband wasn’t great and I found he had been on a dating website last year. But now he has pulled out all the stops and he thinks about the things I want to do and places I want to go as a family etc. Which is what I wanted all along. But I still can’t seem to stop my head from being turned now. We don’t argue now as I just don’t care enough to argue now. But he isn’t bad at all he is Handsome. The spark has never been there and probably never will be.

But is that enough reason to leave?? I just don’t want to look back when I’m older with regret that I’ve missed out on feeling something.