Hello everyone,
I'm at a loss to know what to do about a recent relationship I've come out of, and I'd be happy to have some mature guidance from women (and fellow guys, obviously!).
I met a wonderful Swedish girl back in April of this year on an online dating site. We hit it off, but sadly she told me that she wasn't enjoying her internship in London and would be returning to Stockholm at the end of May. I was slightly shocked, but I accepted her decision and asked if we could still meet up, and she was fine with this. I spent the night at hers and accompanied her to the airport the next day.
Throughout June-August we met up face to face three times: me in Stockholm for her birthday in June (where she admitted that I was the first guy to stay around her house, and introduced me to her mum!), her in London for my birthday in July (where I introduced her to some of my family) and a dual trip we took to Copenhagen at the end of August.
Everytime in between these trips we'd message and call each other on Skype or Whatsapp every night, sometimes for up to 2 hours. We laughed, teased, chatted about random things and we always looked forward to talking every evening.
Deep down I guess I knew long-distance relationships would be tough, but I wanted to give it a go because she'd been the first girlfriend I'd had in a while. It was only 5 months, but for someone like myself those 5 months were a wonderful time and we'd never uttered a bad word to one another.
Although I didn't know it at the time, things changed at the end of August when we were booking transport from our hotel in Malmo (Sweden) to Copenhagen. Since the time she'd left London in May she'd been unemployed, and so on a budget. She said if I paid a bit extra, I could book a seat next to her on the bus. I said I didn't want to pay extra as it was slightly expensive (it was Scandinavia after all), and I'm sure someone would move if I said we were a couple.
From that moment on, I noticed a change in the way we'd communicate. She'd just got a new job at a hotel at the end of August, so I thought maybe the long shifts she'd worked meant she was too tired to talk sometimes. Just random things I picked up, but nothing that I thought amounted to much.
We only had 2 days in Copenhagen. And again, things cropped up that made me think she wasn't happy with us dating. My mum had given her some baby pictures of me, but she gave them back to me in the hotel room. We were intimate the first night, but the second day we had she was largely silent. Again we had what I thought was a nice time walking around the city, but during the second night she said she didn't want to have sex. I said this was fine, but I was anxious that I'd done something to upset her. She said no.
For the next two weeks after we'd returned to our homes, we still texted and chatted but less often. She's anaemic and often returned home from her long shifts tired. I'd always be supportive and ask her to text me when she wanted to talk, but she never did. On the occasions we did call, I made mention of coming round to Stockholm again, to which she agreed. I then mentioned maybe Xmas or New Year, and she said she'd have to think about it, what with work and all.
Finally, two weeks ago, she rang me on a Friday night. She said we needed to talk, that she didn't think we were a good match, and that she wanted someone to take care of her, and didn't think I was doing that.
I was floored, to be honest. I always thought that the long-distance would be a bigger issue for her, but she brought up the fact that I hadn't been willing to pay extra to sit next to her on the bus. She said that this was an important reason for her why she thought we should split up because she thought it showed I didn't really care for her.
I completely admit now in hindsight it was stupid of me not to pay the extra money, especially as she was on a budget. But I said the fact that I'd wanted to carry on a relationship and pay money for flights etc showed that I did want to take care of her! I was realistic enough to know we might not be long-term, but it would've been nice to carry on into the New Year. This was what I personally thought.
I asked her to reconsider, and I said I'd come over to Stockholm next month and show her a wonderful time. She said she was unsure, because she didn't know if her opinion of me would change and didn't want me to waste my money flying over there for nothing. At that point I knew it was futile to go on.
She said I was a nice guy, and she was always happy to receive my calls and acknowledged that we'd had a good time together to start with. But she said things just drifted. We ended the call on good terms, because I hate to leave relationships on a bad note.
We still text occasionally: she asks how my job interviews are going, and I ask her about her mum (Mum is currently undergoing surgery). We laugh about gossip in the news, or things we've watched on Netflix. But I know we'll probably never meet again.
These past few weeks since Copenhagen have been horrible for me. I keep thinking back to the wonderful times we had, and what I could've done to make things better. I don't really want to date again, because I have too many good memories of being with her.
I know I'm not the first person in this situation, and I certainly won't be the last. But I'm struggling to keep happy and upbeat at the minute. Normally we'd be making plans to speak tonight and discuss where we'd meet up next. Now that's gone. And if that sounds self-centred I'm sorry, but that's true.
I'm sure I'll someone soon who's every bit as beautiful, smart, funny and kind as this girl. But for now, I'm really in a funk, and I'd appreciate some advice from you lovely people. Is it true that time heals all wounds eventually?
Many thanks :)