Am I over-reacting?

[Happymeal]

Hello
I'm new to this forum, and need help/advice please.
I've been with my wife for 15 years now and we have a very close relationship, always have! We talk about everything and anything, we do lots together, we still have an active sex life, kiss and show affection. NOTHING has changed in the marriage at all!

She has always had a happy/silly/flirtatious personality and this has never bothered in the slightest before.
Recently she took a new job and is enjoying it, which is great, however! I noticed on her phone some messages from a guy at work
And these messages were a little suggestive. I'm not going to give all the lines but some read HER ' hope you're in work tomorrow, I've a present for you. HIM oh, sounds ominous 😉, HER 😉😉😉😉😉😉😇😇. That's the worst it got. Just to clarify, we know each others passwords for phones and emails and things.
I hinted to her that I wouldn't be happy if someone messaged her like that, but did not tell her I'd seen those messages. She said she had a feeling I'd seen them, then deleted them so I wouldn't get upset. She insists it was just silly banter with work mate and it meant nothing, she said it made her feel uncomfortable getting messages like that, and didn't know what to do! We have talked endlessly about it and she even admits they were a little too much, but weren't meant in that manner, she's been there for me and she has not changed in anyway.
She removed the person and blocked them instantly and has now left that job.
The way she is with people, her behaviour with this person is typical of her overly friendly manner, but I can't get it out of my head!

It's starting to get in the way, and I have noone to talk to. Am I looking into it TOO much? It's not as if we were in a horrible marriage or anything, I just feel so let down. Seeing it in black and white just hurt so much. I don't know what I'm asking really, just lost now. Just lost.
Sorry for rambling
Thank you

Did she leave the job because of this?..

Sounds a wee bit smothering....if you don't let it go you will end up destroying a happy marriage...

One of the things she probably loves is that you are able to talk about everything...unfortunately now she can't as she knows you have issue with it...

Chill out and try and work out where your insecurity has come from...

Cos it is your insecurity..not hers .

You have a level of insecurity that probably needs looked at. But then again, so do so many of the women who post here about their partners doing exactly the same as your wife.

Other people here tell women that if their gut is telling them something is wrong, then there is indeed something wrong. I dont subscribe to that to be honest but you probably wont get the full array of advice usually on offer here.

I'm sorry, you're feeling let down because your partner sent a winky emoji to a colleague? Which as you've described it is typical of her normal behaviour? Fucking hell.

Yes you are looking into it too much if that's the worst it's not that bad at all. Sounds like friendly flirting

You sound deeply insecure, a bit controlling and highly obsessive. I’d maybe look to seek some help because holding on this tight could end up damaging your marriage.

If that's really the worst of the messages, I think you are over reacting, and massively so.

I can't believe that pp are saying you are overreacting.....

I think those messages are inappropriate. If a female wrote this about her husband, I can imagine people would be suggesting an affair.

I think add she had left the job... you've nothing to still be concerned about. She's blocked him too... so let it go.

If she was still there I could understand how you feel.... but she acknowledged it wasn't good.

Fucking hell I thought I was the jealous type and even I wouldn’t give a shit about those insignificant messages.

I think this is one of those times I would like to hear her side.

Correction

I think as she has left the job

As usual though... if you posted as a strong you'd have got a different response.

oh dear - you sound quite smothering OP. Sorry - if i were her i would feel very overwhelmed if this is what she's going to be like (and you know she's like this) to all her colleagues. I mean - did you make her block him or did she do that because of your insecurities? I would look at speaking to someone re your insecurities - massive over-reaction on your part.

Out of interest, what was the present she had for him? My friend at work would send me something like if he'd bought me a big cream cake!

I'd say I'm probably slightly on the jealous side but like lookatyourwatchnow I can't see anything to bother me in them. She's allowed friends at work. I've had male friends myself at work. She's joked about hoping he's in tomorrow and he replies it sounds ominous. He didn't reply "can't wait to see you babe, see you behind the filing cabinets and make sure you've got stockings on". I don't see this as her flirting or him flirting either. Just two mates who have a laugh at work. I don't know how you can extrapolate more from that message.

I was thinking something to do with food too - a Peppa Pig shaped cake or something silly if he's said he hates the cartoon as his neice or nephew is always watching it. Just an example.

I regularly send messages like that. The present is often a pile of work. My husband doesn't care - because he is secure. If he did react as you have I'd be incredibly angry that he thought so little of ME that such insignificant messages might be indicative that I was doing something wrong.

You clearly don't trust her, and that has the power to destroy your marriage without her doing anything wrong.