Why does this hurt me so much?

[Whatloversdo34]

Up until 4 years ago I had a long standing friendship but both of us had feelings for each other.
Told each other we loved each other and I think it was genuine on both sides.
His ex then told him she was pregnant and he wanted to be a full time dad and support her and try and make it work (I totally understand and respect his decision it was the right thing to do)
Fast forward to now and I have a baby with my now partner.
Saturday was our date day and we are out walking along holding hands having fun when out walks ex friend and he is with his son and partner and her older Child.
We look at each other and his eyes go to the ground.
I kind of didn't react till after and just felt shaky.
It hurt that after over 10 years of friendship this is it now,walk past each other in the street.
Does this make any sense? Why do I feel so hurt.
I don't ever allow myself to think about him because back then I was devastated.

Anybody ?

You've now met, settled and had a child with someone else. Are you happy?

It didn't work out for very good reason and that's beyond your control. It sounds lije everything worked out for you and i would refuse to allow looking back with rose-tinted specs ruin this.

You weren't great friends, you were both attracted to each other. Move on op it's not healthy obsessing kver what might have been.

Sorry about the fat finger typing

Why didn't you get together at the time of your friendship? Why was she his ex but got her pregnant?

They split,we told each other how we felt then she told him about their baby.
Obviously the baby is his entire world so it was over before it began

Not only not pursuing anything with him,he cut me off as a friend and said it was messing with his head,seeing me and having contact

I think he was totally right to cut off contact, as you were far more than friends. That would have been very unfair on his girlfriend when she was carrying his child and he committed to her when they reconciled.

Are you happy with your current partner?

From experience it is better this way but that does not make it easier. Do you live near each other and so likely to bump into each other again?

Evaluate your own relationship and consider if you want to "settle" with this knowing how strongly you could feel for someone else.

We live in the same town,his parents live 2 mins from me so probability is high.
I wish we could of went back to being friends.
I do still miss him.
I'm happy yeah,love my daughter.
In a ideal world we would have been together but it wasn't meant to be.

When he said it messes with his head? What did he mean?
How could just remaining at friends mess with his head

Time to grow up and accept the decisions that were made.

You wouldn't be able to be just friends when you both have romantic feelings for each other. That's why he says it'll mess with his head, he knows the emotions are still there and wrong when you both have a family with someone else.

Please try to think of the two other people involved here too. His wife/girlfriend doesn't deserve to be second best with another, jealous, friend waiting in the wings, and neither does the father of your child. Surely you can understand how they would feel in this situation and you wouldn't be happy in their shoes?

Do you really think you'd be able to carry on having a normal, platonic relationship now?

You're happy with your dd, but what about her father? You haven't once mentioned him. Are you sure you're not still pining for the ex friend because you're unsatisfied with your partner?

I wasn't happy for a long long time but I'm happy now I think.
It just brought back feelings and the "what might have beens"
I 100% know the choices made were correct.
I just feel sad about our friendship.
He has people on Facebook who he hardly knows yet I'm a stranger now.

I think losing the connection with someone who you potentially thought you might spend your life with and it going from everything to nothing is incredibly hard

Clearly op has done the grown up thing and let him go. And clearly he has been grown up and knew it would be too difficult to keep in contact
That doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Even if you are happy now
I feel for you, it's tough to lose someone in those circumstances

I'm sure he does miss you, but sometimes we lose people in life that we least want to lose and have people still in our life that we don't feel that close to.
But these people are still a part of our heart

Please just stop thinking about him, it will only lead to trouble.

Focus on how you'd like your family to develop instead.

I'm going to put him to the back of my head again,focus on my daughter.
End of the day she deserves a nice family life and me pining over him is ridiculous