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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First marriage counselling session tonight

7 replies

operaha · 03/10/2017 07:57

Just wanted to hear from others who've been.

Its mainly around lies about money, me coping with them, him not understanding how it affects my trust etc.

But I genuinely want to get through it all, I want to us to recover, ive been quite unwell for a few weeks and he's been my rock but there's no affection from my side at all and its not cos I don't fancy him or whatever.
So positive stories please, no idea what to expect...

OP posts:

toooldtocare · 03/10/2017 08:35

I have just come out of a period of couples counselling, it was different from what I had expected. The counsellor talked about how we got together, what we had in common, positive stuff as well as the issues which had led us there.

It was interesting and I learnt things about my DH which he had never shared before. I didn't want my husband to have anything new thrown at him in the sessions so sometimes brought up things the night before so he had time to process before we discussed in the session.

We had homework most weeks, to build on the positives. Has it worked? It will never take away what he did (money was the start of our issues) but it has made me see our relationship in the round and all the other good things we have. I wasn't sure at the beginning if I would walk away I haven't and things are going ok. It is not the fixer of everything but in hindsight it was helpful to us and we talk more now.

Good luck for tonight.

Original poster

operaha · 03/10/2017 08:39

Thank you for that, I welled up a bit.

I'm not looking forward to it, feel sad that we're having to try but I can also see that resentment will build and I'll snap eventually unless I can get some handle on my feelings.

Bottom line is I don't understand why he lied. He's never lied about anything else but I don't have 100% faith that he won't.

We've recently had his children move in with us which is great but I can't pretend it's not another strain.
I don't want to leave him but I'm not any idiot, will just have to see how we go

OP posts:

toooldtocare · 03/10/2017 18:13

Will be thinking of you this evening, if you can go in with a positive mind, it can be useful in understanding each other and communicating with a neutral third person.

Original poster

operaha · 04/10/2017 08:08

It was good, much like you said . Was harsher on him in terms of what was really opened up but we're definitely going back. I went to bed feeling quite positive, obviously a long long road but I don't feel quite as lost and desperate

OP posts:

barbadoscalling · 04/10/2017 11:36

OP glad you felt as if you've got something out of it. How did the session start? Was it so why are you here?

Original poster

operaha · 04/10/2017 12:58

No we had to talk about ourselves, family situations and how we met... half way through got to why we were there. Tough going but we shall go back

OP posts:

toooldtocare · 04/10/2017 15:22

I am glad it was worth it (or enough to want to go back), we did different stuff in each session, our 6 went by quickly. And yes it can be tough going but anything worthwhile usually is. Take care and I hope you can get the communications going x

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