Dating a widower

[Mangoandpassionfruit]

have been dating a widower for a couple of months, met his children and he's told his friends about me and all going really well but after every date he goes quiet and goes back on the dating site.
I feel he is hedging his bets but he says he is struggling with how 'good' we are and this makes him miss him wife so it's like escapism.
Any thoughts? It's starting to really hurt

Take the fact he's a widower out of it. After every date he goes back on the dating site. Time to dump him and keep your self respect.

Not sure I'm buying it to be honest. I would move on if I were you.

Just because someone has been through the tragedy of losing their partner, doesn't mean they're not an arse.

I think that not only is he enough of a shit to go back on line when he's with you, he's enough of a shit to use his wife's death to justify it

If he's genuinely struggling with (guilt?) at liking you, then he needs to deal with either by ending this as he's not ready to date, or explaining to you that he's struggling and seeking counselling.

I'm getting married to a widower. When we started dating, I asked if he was struggling with it at all. He said no, because he waited until he was ready (3 years) and had moved to a place where it was OK. He still loves her, he misses her dreadfully on some days - but his love for me co-exists with that.

So he doesn't go sniffing round other women

Best case scenario he's dating too soon.
Worst case scenario - he's an arse.

Your course of action in both cases is the same - walk away.

I'd also not trust his judgement at all if he's introducing you to his children after just a couple of months (which is weeks, really ) when he still "has" to back on line for escapism from you. I hope his children are adults.

A wise woman once said "think I need to not pick up waifs and strays in the guise of adult men"

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expect more than this.

Thank you all of you, unfortunately his children are children and you're right it was too soon, this was I'll judged on my part as well, I believed we were heading in the right direction, which made it worse when I saw he was back online. I'm gutted but as you say bereavement is not an excuse for being an arse.

Just because someone has been through the tragedy of losing their partner, doesn't mean they're not an arse.

Totally agree with this and everything else Ellisandra has said. I can't believe that someone would use this as an excuse for this type of behaviour.