Paying to watch women on webcam

[Annon54103]

Need some opinions please guys..

Been with my fiancé overs 6.5 years, 2 children and engaged for a year. At the start of the year I found out (by snooping) that he had been paying to watch women on livejasmin.

He used this for just over a year and spent just under £2000. I found out at a really vulnerable time when our youngest child was 6 weeks old and forgave him. This was 8 month ago and I am still constantly upset and don't feel good enough.

Has anyone been through this and actually managed to overcome it? I don't see me ever forgetting about this and being back to normal again

Help 😞

Sorry OP. My advice is LTB, he will never change and that is family money that he spent satisfying his penis. Ugh. he doesn't respect you or women generally. LTB and be happy.

Thanks fluffypinkpyjamas, I know that's what the vast majority of people are going to say. If I didn't have kids i would have been done a long time ago, it's just so unfair on them.

How is he reassuring you? You clearly haven't forgiven him and nor should he expect you to.

Never experienced it to that degree, although did find an ex-boyf had hidden a magazine in his coat sleeve and that made me feel crap (and I was a lot slimmer and beautiful then).

I don't think I'd ever get over that tbh. I just think it shows so little respect, especially as you were at your most vulnerable and probably had your hands full with the little ones, so did he use it because you were "unavailable" for him? In which case he is an ignorant pig who needs to grow up.

Also...£2k?? Again total lack of respect for the entire family. Whilst I don't know your circumstances, I know that for most people, £2k whilst on maternity with a new born is a lot of £ to blow on tramps on a webcam.

Have you had the conversation with him? Does he know how it makes you feel? Can he imagine being in your shoes? How would he feel if you were watching blokes on Big Beefy men.com (I just made that up lol) and spending a fortune?

All he has said is that it won't happen again and he has learned from his mistake. He has only learned because I caught him.

He also promised he had never done it after our youngest daughter was born, when he did on 2 seperate occasions. So promises don't really mean much just now!

You should not be staying solely for the children, they are not going to say thanks mum to you for doing that to them. It is also precisely because of them that you should leave this individual, its unfair on them for you to stay within what is really a crap relationship because it teaches them that your own relationship with their dad was based on a lie. You cannot afford to teach them such damaging lessons on relationships, its really a heavy burden to place on them.

So he hasn't learned anything, he got caught because you were a good detective.

He's made promises and not kept them, for something that really bothers you and is disrespectful. Does he have an addiction to it?

Only you can decide what you want to do. There will always be plenty of LTB'ers on here. But atilla makes good points about "staying for the kids" is not always a healthy option and I always feel that kids are more in tune with what goes on than people ever give them credit for.

What do you want to happen? Have you told him?

Argh this brings back memories of my ex that I left only 6 months ago.

For the first couple of years of our relationship I found out he was using LiveJasmin and spending £500+ a month!!! He only stopped when I found out and then he continued to use it for a bit after we split until I - not being able to get over it - checked the account and saw he had used it again.

I've never trusted him since, and to be honest I do feel like he could have been using it from time to time and just somehow hiding it from me. I'm certain he's back on it now we have split.

I definitely felt upset, hurt and not feeling good enough. But it's not even just that, its the money! It's the fact he has spent this money (£2k!) on something so selfish for himself when it should have been spent on family.
Also the conversations they have with these women whilst in live chat. In my eyes it's a cross between paying for a prostitute and getting a lap dance but just in a virtual world.

I did stay with my ex for many years after and we had kids together. However it was always something that made me look at him differently, I lost respect for him and didn't ever fully trust him - I also didn't feel like I could fulfil his fantasies - whatever they were, and he was never fully honest with me about why he used that site.

It was always in the back of my mind. I would definitely consider whether you want to stay with him - and certainly don't rush into marrying him now. Hugs xx

Pinkfluffypyjamas.. in no way was I unavailable to him, I used to try to be intimate with him but he would just reject me which obviously makes someone feel more like shit!

It definitely is a lot of money, I struggle with money and he doesn't. I'm very independent so don't like to ask for money but I will use his card when I need to

He would not be impressed if I done it as he is very self conscious funnily enough

Attila- I agree I would just hate for them to turn around to me when they are older and ask if I tried everything I could because I might be able to get over this, I just don't know

Flimflaminurjams - I'm a very good detective! he has never said it's an addiction and I wouldn't say it is. I just think he has gone off me since the birth of our first child and this is what he does to enjoy himself. Every time I bring it up he gets all defensive about me snooping on his stuff.. I would understand him getting defensive if I couldn't find anything but I always find stuff! I would like us to be a family more than anything but I don't think I'm ever going to shake this feeling in my head

Meowimacat - thank you so much for commenting as I've never spoken to someone who has also had a partner use this site. What you have wrote is literally what I am feeling. He works away and when he came home after me finding out I could not even look him in the eye I was disgusted. I don't feel good enough either, I don't want to sleep with him and some people might say that I should be making an effort but he makes no effort what so ever so it's not as if I'm rejecting him. There is definitely no wedding booked, and won't be in the future the way I feel at the moment. What made u finally decide that u were done?

I think it's a miserable waste of your time to keep checking up on him. He has betrayed you by lying, there is nothing he can say that will make you trust him.

I am not surprised you don't want sex with him. I would loose all respect for a man who paid for sex, because that is what he has done, and it is a betrayal.

So yeah, I couldn't forgive this. if anything I would find it far far worse than a drunk ONS or a so called "emotional affair" both of which don't amount to the necessary exploitation of women.

Annon54103 There were lots of reasons why I ended my relationship. I guess one of them was the lack of intimacy - and to be honest I wasn't interested in going near him after I found out what he'd been up to. However, I fell pregnant after one of the rare times we did, and so stayed with him for years because of that. He was very selfish - and I guess that sums up why they go on sites like this - they're not thinking of us either financially or in how we would feel about it. It's all about them and the self gratification.

He still wasn't honest with me to this day. Said he never used the chat section just paid and watched. But that is obviously not true! He also picked all asian girls, when I'm blonde/white, the total opposite!

I get why people look at porn, even I do sometimes, but I just don't get sites like LiveJasmin. It must be the thrill of knowing it's 'just for you' (even though these women will then go on to do the same/similar to any other paying punter.) I just don't get why guys need to pay for it, especially when they've got girlfriends and wives at home. Unfortunately I feel like it's just the start of things, and I never trusted my ex again properly after that. Hugs to you, and I don't think I've ever come across someone who's caught their partner on the site before either.

Minitheminx - I know it is disgusting, that is someone's daughter he is paying to watch. We have 2 daughters together and the thought of them ever being in that situation makes me feel sick

Meowimacat - there is a total lack of intimacy with us too, I read online on another website a mans perspective on livejasmin and he said he is addicted and he has no interest in his partner anymore as livejasmin is so real and it's better than the real thing apparently. My partner is very selfish too, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being an only child but he is and has been spoilt his whole life so basically only thinks about himself.

That's what my boyfriend says too, he said he doesn't speak he just watches... but how do the girls know what to do unless u tell them?! Did u see a history on the website to see what girls he had been watching? My boyfriends account was pretty blank, he had his date of birth and how he was interested in females but not any preferences.

I agree, porn does not bother me in the slightest as everyone watches it! And they aren't performing for 1 person. When I asked my boyfriend why he used the private section he said "it's just something about it being 1-2-1".. that comment killed me to be honest. I really hope that ur ex hasn't made u a certain way for when u meet another guy, as it's just the total bellends that use livejasmin!

U day leaving is tough for the kids, but let your children see you choosing happiness.

Ohyesiam - very true