How do you split Xmas with your ex?

[RubyRed2017]

This is the first year since we separated. It is on the surface amicable, for now at least.

Ex has proposed that I have the kids Xmas eve and Xmas day and he will have them Boxing Day and 27th. Then next year we can swap over. I have agreed to this - but feel sad our kids will not see both their parents on Xmas day. I had proposed a solution where we would both see them on Xmas day. I suspect he has gone for this as it fits with his gf's plans.

What do other people do, how do you split the time up?

I go to my kids Xmas Eve and Xmas day.
It can be slightly awkward for both me and X, but for me personally it's better than not seeing them on the day.

The two day swap sounds reasonable for the adults, and might be popular with kids - they'll potentially get two Xmas's

The reasons you each have for your preferences don't really matter. You're both entitled to those preferences.

I've been meaning to post about this as I'm feeling so anxious about even approaching the subject. This is also my first year where I'll be celebrating Xmas alone. However I do feel a certain pressure to let my ex have the kids for the whole Christmas day because I was the one that split with him, even though I would be alone that day and he would be surrounded by family.

I personally would like to split Christmas day so that we both get to see them. However, in a way they will be too tired by the afternoon and not wanting to leave one place to then go and do everything all over again at another house. So maybe for me it would be best if I let ex have them Xmas day and I'll have them boxing day for a second Christmas.

This really sucks, I have such a heavy heart about it :(

My son no long sees his dad, however when he did we did Christmas Eve to Christmas Day evening with one parent, Christmas Day Eve to Boxing Day evening with the other. Ds then got 2 full Christmas’s as we would just treat it as a second Christmas Eve and Day. I liked this as when I didn’t have ds I just pretended it wasn’t Christmas, rather than splitting a day up, and ds loved it. I did this as a child also and it was much better than when I had to leave one parent half way through the day. I felt like I was going to miss out the rest of the day with them, even though I wanted to see the other. Just do what you feel is best for your family.

When my boys were younger we did half the day each and swooped after lunch. We have said this year that we would like the day without having to travel 25 miles- two of my children may be working anyway.
Depends how close you are? How the kids are about it etc.

We've done two Christmases so far; each time he has been very martyr like about it and insisted I have them Christmas eve and Christmas Day, even though I have offered a swap and also offered for him to have them from tea time Christmas day. So our pattern so far is Christmas Eve and day with me, boxing day with dad, stay over at his, home early on the 27th as they want to get back to all their new things (so potentially quite similar to how it might be for you). Every situation is different, I have found this works for mine as they prefer to be around my family, prefer my cooking and like their home comforts so prefer to be at home for Christmas! But life round his is not very jolly or very nice all round really. Can you just big it up with the children with the whole 'two Christmases' excitement?

One of my friends takes it in turns to have the children, and the other parents visits for a few hours on Christmas Day. He says the children find that really difficult but the other parent insists on doing it. It's hard to say really because every situation is different but hopefully that's some help!

Strongswans that's a good point that it allows the kids to have a "whole Xmas" with each of us.
I haven't spoken to the kids about it yet.

The ex only lives round the corner, but I suspect he may have decided he would rather spend Xmas day with his gf who lives some distance away.

I wanted to swap over after lunch on Xmas day so we could both see them, but a mediator suggested swapping on Boxing Day as no kid wants to get up and leave all their presents on Xmas day itself.

This will be my 5th Christmas since we separated.
We meet XH at the panto on Christmas Eve then he stays with us until boxing night.
We get on ok and the children (12 and 9) prefer it as they refuse to visit his house so they probably wouldn't see him otherwise!
For now it works as neither of us has a new partner but it won't happen forever. The nice thing is my 2 are at an age now where they can choose what they would like to do when things change.
I wouldn't like to not see them on Christmas Day

My brother and his ex do it differently ( although the psycho bitch is happy about it and wants him to never see them again) . The court made the decision that they take it in turns to them on Xmas Eve night and Xmas morning before they go to the others on Xmas afternoon, then the next year they swap.

Isn't happy I meant lol

Our plan had been to alternate years, so last year my daughter was with me, and this year she would be with him. But last year I felt bad that he was alone and that she wouldn't get to see him so I dropped her off there after Christmas dinner and went home and had a good cry to spend the rest of Christmas alone. This year she will be with him for the day and I know he won't have a lapse of conscience like I did, so I suppose it will be a lonely Christmas.

My daughter stays with me xmas eve and goes to her dad xmas day lunch time and then comes back too me Boxing Day around 3 and we have another xmas lunch. I feel it's important she sees her Dad on xmas day

PizzaPlease thats exactly the sort of thing that I would be likely to do if I thought ex was on his own! But I think he will be tucked up in bed with his gf :-/

We always did alternate years so Christmas Eve to day after Boxing Day. This then allowed people to go to visit extended family too and be able to have a drink without worrying about driving the kids back etc. It also meant that travelling was not having to be done on busy days.

This is only our second Christmas separated, so it's not really set in stone yet, but last year I had ds2 Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning, then we went for lunch at my in-laws. Ds1 (much older than ds2 and not XH's bio dad) and I came home at around 4 pm.

This year XH will have ds2 Christmas Eve and Christmas morning then is bringing him over for lunch (which he will stay for too.)

I'm not terribly happy that XH is staying for lunch tbh but it seems to be a Good Thing To Do for ds2, so will put up with it for now.

@Ruby is the real issue that your X has a new GF?

My ex always travelled to our home on Christmas day. He arrived mid morning and stayed until late afternoon. My children would never have left their home without a fight! Ex left his partner ( the OW) alone for ten years at Christmas, I now wonder what she felt about that