Self-help tips please for confidence and self-esteem

[Blinkingecksake]

Hey lovely ladies, as the title says really. I've had to stop counselling because I can't really afford it, and it wasn't particularly working anyway. What's the best advice you can give for building confidence and self-esteem? Currently reading some self-help books again but I don't have a lot of time (work full-time, raising children pretty much single handedly, always tired). My main goal is to learn to listen to my inner voice and act on it, have my own opinions and stand up for them, and generally get to know myself better and what I want and need from life. Am divorced after a long and emotionally abusive relationship and find myself in another relationship which I don't think is right for me. I need to know what my voice is and find it!

Hope that makes sense?! Any tips gratefully received! Thanks x

For me it was about:
Getting fit - feeling confident in how my body works and feels, physical strength.
Finding a creative medium.

For you based on what you say about your abusive/wrong relationships:
Practice identifying things you want and acting on them. Small dumb examples: practice saying you dont want to go to the cinema if you don't. Practice indulging yourself: if you'd rather have a bath than do the washing up, have a bath. Basically practice saying no and giving in to your whims like overindulging a child. Those are important when you have no self esteem. Experiment with giving in to your desires and "letting people down" to put yourself first. You'll experience guilt, but just accept the guilt and then forget about it.

As always, I recommend doing yoga with Adriene on Youtube to gain confidence in your body and learn to just "be" with yourself, finding inner stillness and pushing your limits.

1- keep it simple

Assign yourself very simple and obtainable goals. Say you want to write a novel or run a marathon; write a sentence per day, or just walk to a park. Do this for a few weeks.

2- increase the level

Once you got into this routine, stretch yourself. So rather than a sentence write a paragraph. You may also increase the frequency if you can make it fit in your schedule.

2a- avoid complications

Do not undertake anything you might have trouble attaining.

3- Share the love

If possible do these tasks with other people. Walking, running, writing, whatever.

4- Pamper yourself

Set some milestones and reward yourself. Again, it could be any guilty pleasure, a movie, chocolate, clothes, massage

5- Don't rush

Take it easy, enjoy what you are doing, reflect on what you've achieved. Don't make it difficult for the sake of it.

This is what helped me.

1. Learning and using the word "No". I was a people pleaser and found it very hard to say "No", this heightened (as you know) being in an abuse relationship. Look in the mirror and practise saying the word "No".... Your friend asks you to come over to her house and help and you literally can't... say " No, sorry I can't".

1. Realise that not everyone will agree with your opinions, ideas, how you raise your children etc etc etc. You are your own person and every human being is unique.

1. Do something for you ! Take a class... do something that you enjoy and do it regularly

1. Realise that this is YOUR life to lead !

Read nice girls dont get the corner office.
I also found reading how to do everything and be happy helped because I was the one deciding what counts in determining my happinesd and what doesnt.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, means a lot. I actually got quite tearful reading these - it really doesn't have to be a mountain to climb does it! Lovely ideas, going to cut and paste and print these out and read and re-read. Thanks again

Sorry one more quick question... do any of you know if there are any good active threads anywhere on this site for supporting single parents with the daily drudgery and keeping motivated?! Think that would help too!