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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would a councilor say this.

18 replies

1DAD2KIDS · 01/10/2017 18:31

Basically my ex (who lives 2hrs drive away) has asked again if she can move in with me and the kids for a few months until she can sort out a job and place near me and the kids. She has said her councillor thinks its a great idea and would be really help her sort her self out and be good for the kids. Would a councillor really recommend this?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/10/2017 18:32

I doubt it! If she's an ex they could have an educated guess that you might not want this. If she ended it with you and you want her back, it would be giving very mixed messages to you. If you ended it with her then why would you want to live with her again?

PressForPancakes · 01/10/2017 18:33

No.

NotTheFordType · 01/10/2017 18:33

Nope.

opheliacat · 01/10/2017 18:34

Yes, possibly. It doesn't make what they say right, though.

LineysRun · 01/10/2017 18:34

No

NotTheFordType · 01/10/2017 18:35

I'm pretty sure I've said this to you before.

This woman is not your friend and never has been. She has been verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to you.

Even if she did find some sap and paid them £10 an hour to say "I think you should give it a go with your ex" do you really think she would have said "Oh by the way I'm a violent narcissist, still okay yeah?"

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2017 18:35

No. And it doesn't matter if they did. It's a horrible idea and to have to protect yourself and your DC.

How can it be good for them when she might bugger off and leave you all again?

Gorgosparta · 01/10/2017 18:35

Is she the ex thats caused no end of trouble?

Honestly no a counsellor would recommend a clients ex should let the client move in. The counsellor has no idea if it would be best or total carnage.

You need to stop giving her head space. She talks shit and its all based around her own selfish wants

loveinanelevator · 01/10/2017 18:37

No a counsellor would not say that.

Out2pasture · 01/10/2017 18:38

it may have been suggested as a financial option but only you know if it is suitable for your situation. could she move in with family or friends in the area? personally I disagree with the concept of people who are separated living together as I feel it is emotionally painful and not healthy to subject anyone to that (especially children who may secretly hope mummy and daddy get back together).

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 01/10/2017 19:06

Well I can tell you all now the answer is no! The reason I ask the question is because I suspect she is lying to try and guilt me into letting her move in. She says she knows that I would never get back with her and it would be for only a couple of months. But I know her, bullshit would it be a couple of months. She wouldn't even try to move out. She at best just be trying to get me to provide for her like I had all our relationship at worst be plotting to get back with me after realising I was actually a pretty good catch. I don't what planet she is on, what I am getting out of effectively providing for my ex wife? So she gets a nice roof over her head (the spare room is lovely), food on the table, what incentive is there for her to get a descent job and move out of mine and the kids home? I maybe be soft but I'm not stupid.

I was more trying to work out if this could have been credible processional advice or just another minipulative ploy to pull at my heart strings so she can get back some of the life she lost?

OP posts:
chantico · 01/10/2017 19:14

The counsellor has probably endorsed her plans for moving on with her life; finding a new job, relocating to somewhere where seeing the DC is easier etc.

No way would they - if reputable - have endorsed the idea of moving in with an ex as a way if achieving the desirable outcome.

Tell her that you'll be very happy to see her in a better situation and wish her well, but that she'll have to find a different place to be a lodger.

SandyY2K · 01/10/2017 19:15

A counsellor may have said this if your Ex hasn't told him/her the whole story...

Bottom line ... It doesn't matter what her counsellor said... you don't need her in your home.

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 03/10/2017 21:23

Well I just did what I normally do when tgis raises it ugly head and ignore it. She has moved on to other random chit chat. Sure she was using the talk of a counciler to minipulative me

OP posts:
Isetan · 05/10/2017 06:30

Even if she was telling the truth, the suggestion of a third party is just that, a suggestion. The fact that you’ve spent a nano second questioning the validity of her statement, suggests that you still have a lot more work to do in detaching yourself from her.

She’s a n Ex and if you have children together then you need to limit contact to contact with them, shut down chit chat before it starts.

She’s not your friend, she’s a parasite looking for a host and you have a responsibility to not put yourself in a position/ mindset where you could be reinfected.

Detach, detach, detach!

AdalindSchade · 05/10/2017 06:42

Some counsellors are shit, don’t underestimate that. One might have said that to her but it doesn’t matter does it?

PsychedelicSheep · 05/10/2017 07:48

A counsellor may have said that, based on how the client spun things at the time. It doesn’t matter though does it, you don’t have to obey!

Original poster
1DAD2KIDS · 05/10/2017 19:22

No she is full of sh*t. I have been talking to her parents (get on really well with them) for some fact checking. She is spinning them different stories to me on loads of things. They are pissed off too with lies. They say she lies to them about all sorts. She just can't stop lying to everyone. I don't get it how can a 30 yo woman with kids be like that? I honestly can't believe I was married to and loved that woman for 7 years.

OP posts:
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