How do you decide if you want children?

[Aminuts23]

Just reading another thread on here got me thinking. I’m 42 now, had a long failed relationship where we ttc throughout my 30s. Honestly now I’m glad we didn’t have kids together. He turned into a nightmare.
I’m now just out of another relationship. He had DC, didn’t want any more. Fine, I was ok with that. But now, being alone again I’m questioning whether it would be right for me. If I went for it I’d adopt I think. BUT I like my life as it is, I have freedom, friends, a good income etc. I feel the clock is ticking very very loudly now. I’m tempted to look into adoption but I don’t want to start the process half hearted. I just always saw DC in my future and now I don’t know what to do

For me, it was when I felt like I had really lived the life I was living, but it was no longer quite enough and I wanted something more and was ready to sort of close one chapter and start another. I pretty much felt bored almost with life. Like it wasn't fulfulling enough. I had a great relationship, good, successful career I enjoyed, had traveled and lived abroad, had lots of selfish time that was just about me, and it didn't feel like enough anymore. We always knew we wanted children so that was never a question, but the timing was just about when I had the time in life (could take off work, settled, etc.) and when I needed more out of the life I had. It was definitely the right timing and the right choice for us.

I’m getting towards feeling like that. Seems double daunting on your own though. Not what I would have wished for

I’m 33 and just had my first baby. Took me years and years to finally take the plunge cos I was never 100% sure that I wanted kids. To me, it looked stressful, financially draining, and could’ve potentially ruined my pretty much perfect relationship with DH. About 18 months ago I decided that now was the time, and it was because someone said to me that if you’re on the fence about something, you should always go for it otherwise it’s likely you’ll regret it. That made perfect sense to me so we decided to ttc, despite the fact I still didn’t feel totally sure about it.

Now DD is here, and I would absolutely not change it for the world. Yes, it’s unlikely that we’ll have nice holidays abroad for quite a few years, and I certainly will miss my financial independence, but looking at her little face makes everything worth it. My life has been turned upside down but definitely for the better.

I understand that it must be daunting to approach that decision on your own, but if you think you can offer a child a good home and be a good mother then you should go for it. I don’t think you’ll regret it. Good luck x

Thank you Lightsout. That’s a good way to look at it. And congratulations

I'm mid 30s, never wanted kids, never will. I get the impression you don't decide; you long for them or get brood etc. If you're deciding coldly, you probably ought not have them. No societal expectations should dictate breeding. No half hearted feelings either. Any misgivings, don't do it. There are too many unwanted children in the world.

I didn't decide. I just knew from the minute my dolly was my baby, so about 3. The tricky bit was finding the right man to be their father.

I’ve never ever felt like I don’t want children. I’ve wanted them, tried, given up on the idea and now I’m at a time in my life where a major decision needs to be made. My gut is saying go for it I think.