Depression post Separation

[sunshiney78]

It's been 11 weeks since my husband left and the pain is crippling me. Married 7 yrs, together 8.5 and DD6

A friend saw him on Tinder, I asked him to leave. Two weeks later I asked him to come back to work things out, and he said "sorry, I've moved on". I hadn't realised at the time that he started dating someone 6 days after I asked him to leave, whom he has now moved in with.

I'm ashamed to say that I have asked him again to come back, knowing this and he said "I'm sorry, that's not going to happen"

He also left his previous wife when his DC were 4 & 7 for OW (not me)

I'm on antidepressants already, but really low, crying all the time, dreaming of him, everything reminds me of what we had and I seem to only remember the good times. This past week, I've been low, but holding it together for my DD. This w/end I didn't have her and spent most of it in bed. I think it's really hit me now, because I've lost the hope I had that we could work things out.

I'm afraid of feeling this way forever.

So sorry you are having such a hard time, OP. Can you afford counselling at all? It really helps to talk to a professional who listens and can give you feedback and practical advice. Hopefully you have friends andd family to talk to?

It sounds to me like you are slipping into depression over the break-up. Are you doing the basics for self-care as fresh air, exercise, good idet and enough sleep? Just being able to tick those boxes should make a difference.

Try doing this for a month: Every evening write down 3 good things from you day. It can be really simple, like "I had a good night's sleep", or bigger things like "I didn't cry all day". Just keep doing it, and you will notice a difference. I have done if myself, and it works.

Ask yourself: Are you not worth more than this? Do you really want to waste any more time mourning over someone who does not want you? If this was happening to your grown-up daughter in the future, would that be okay?

Keep posting here! It really helps xxx

He was already on Tinder which was the catalyst for the split, so clearly mentally checked out a good while ago. Only be with someone who really wants it, otherwise this will happen over and over again

Did you post about this when it happened? If so I remember your thread.
You are grieving for your relationship and probably in the bargaining stage of that grief cycle. I remember the overwhelming feeling of wanting my relationship back and wanting my life to go back to how it was.

The thing you need time but what you are feeling is so painful that you want to press fast forward and zoom past all the bad days. Fill your time with gym/hobbies/box-sets - whatever it takes. Counselling and gratitude diaries as a pp mentioned are good. Mindfulness helps you think about the present, not the past or the future. Make a list of his bad points and read them everyday until you don't need to anymore.
You will be okay.

Yes underthebluoon, I did post about it at the time. Thank you for your advice. x

Also read the Chumplady book or website. Everyone there will understand.

Sounds like he has real commitment issues. Hold your head up because you are worth a hundred of him.