Friend keeps letting me down - are my expectations too high?

[mooneus]

So this weekend was supposed to be a great weekend for me and my friend. We booked tickets for a club night that we both desperately wanted to go to. On top of that on Friday we went to the cinema.

When we met at the cinema my friend suggested we go out for a few drinks after. I hadn't planned to as we were going out on the Saturday but I thought it might be fun so said yes. When she said a few drinks I thought we would be home by 2 at the latest - I got home at 5am.

I was really excited for our Saturday night out, we met up at around 10 just before the club night began. She insisted when we met that she wasn't going to drink cos she felt awful from the night before. But then we got to the bar and I asked if she wanted a drink, she said she wanted a beer. I thought she can't be feeling that bad. Anyway we arrive at the club and I was in my element having a great time. Less than an hour in she announces she feels sick and wants to go home. I felt so annoyed, I had been looking forward to this night for so long and she's taking it away from me - because she drank too much the night before.

A few months ago we went to a festival together and again she hit it so hard the first night that she spent most of the next day in bed, and then couldn't do the following days so we left early.

Earlier this year we were supposed to go to a gig together and like a few hours before she says she can't go due to transport issues.

I can't help but feel this friend is constantly letting me down and I have given her so many chances. She clearly gets carried away with drinking and then can't deal with the consequences. Is it my place to say she needs to watch how much she drinks? I don't want to come across as patronising.

I think this latest episode has made me realise that I am too reliant on her as a friend and probably have set my expectations a bit too high. We have things planned in the coming months (both of which I've paid for and she hasn't contributed a penny to) - do I tell her she has let me down too many times that I'd rather go with someone a bit more reliable, or just let her know I haven't been impressed with her recent behaviour?

I don't think your expectations are too high. I think you've just realised that her idea of a good weekend / night out is very different to yours. Don't have it out with her. She's unlikely to change. But do stop making plans to go out with her and find other people to go with instead. That includes for the stuff you've booked and paid for, if she's not paid for her part.

I'm not sure 3 times in a year is 'constantly' letting you down? Why don't you plan things together that don't involve alcohol as you don't sound on the same page drinking wise? What things are you paying for her?

I wonder if she has reached the age when she doesn't have the stamina for nights out that you still have? I would have been out night after night in my youth, now one night is more than enough...

Tbh I think doing things on both the Friday and the Saturday is too much.

I'm not too sure about the other times she's let you down. Maybe alcohol just doesn't do it for her anymore

Does she have an alcohol problem? Some people have difficulty stopping drinking once they start. I find people like this poor friends as they spend the morning hung over and the evening getting pissed. Arranging 2 nights in a row with this sort of friend isn't a good idea.
If she's a good friend then telling her her lack of desire/ ability to moderate her drinking is spoiling your evenings out and affecting your friendship may give her a kick up the bum to look ate her drinking pattern.

I'm a bit like your friend. Would love to plan a big weekender in theory, but in reality, I just can't do it anymore. Before DCs I also used to struggle to moderate my alcohol intake and always went too far too quickly. Looking back, I'd have loved to have had a friend to do calmer, less crazy things with. I just thought its what I should have been doing, being young and single. As a result, I'd often let friends down because I just couldn't hack it in reality even though I wanted to. I still let friends down now because in theory I want to be able to pack a lot in, but I get depleted easily and have to cancel meet-ups. It makes me feel massively guilty but it's never personal, it's just that in the real world, I can't do all that I want to do in my idea one!

Sounds like me. I can get carried away and then I'm hungover the next day. I'd still be able to go out but wouldn't drink.

From now on, don't organise anything that requires drinking twice in a row.

I used to have a friend like this. Three times we'd booked expensive (for us in our twenties) weekends away, one in Europe, two in the states (those were 4-5 day trips) to big party destinations. We were a group of 3-5 girls and every time this one girl would get so out of control wasted on the first day that we were just stuck babysitting her so she didn't cause a scene, and then spent the next two days with her moaning about her hangover and not wanting to do anything. On top of which she'd then pick a fight with her idiot boyfriend on day 2 and spent the rest of the trip arguing with him on the phone. It was tiresome. The first trip we were all so sympathetic. The second trip we had a come to Jesus convo with her on how she needs to mdoerate her drinking. And left her to manage her hangover.
By the third trip we lost patience and she's an ex friend now.

I don't mind whatever alcohol capacity people have. And I have loads of friends who just wouldn't want to do a girly drunk weekend away - we do other things. But I hate when people ruin your time out and make you waste your money and time etc because they selfishly cannot control themselves and get shitfaced.

Same super annoying "friend" on her first big night out with her fiancé gets so shitfaced the bar has to call an ambulance for her. Thankfully I wasn't around at this night out, but I was not impressed!

Stop planning for two nights in a row with her then.