Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can a rebound relationship work?

10 replies

NewLove · 30/09/2017 22:43

NC as there is a lot of detail under previous user name which I don't want outing...

I fully admit I am rebound dating. History - I had been living with a lovely guy but we split as I couldn't handle his ex or his/hers lack of
parenting styles. I adored him and adored his kids as people but could not tolerate their behaviour and lost respect for him due his reluctance to properly parent his children. I broke up with him as I couldn't see a future for us together.

The position now is I am back in my own place and have met a guy. I know in my head that it's too soon but he is just lovely. He is everything I have ever dreamed of in a partner but it is very early days and I only 8 weeks out of my old relationship.

I have been open with him about my past and he knows that I've haven't long since broken up with my ex but there is no possibility of us getting back together through my own choice and seems OK with this.

The question is - has anyone had a rebound relationship that has worked? Am I being delusional?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewLove · 30/09/2017 22:45

I know I have changed my name to NewLove - it's too early for big declarations or anything, we're not officially a couple, we have just been on a few really good dates.

Also I'm sad about my ex but not broken hearted as it wasn't what I wanted out of life.

OP posts:
beesandknees · 30/09/2017 22:52

I met my DP a month after ending a 10 year relationship. Kept him at arm's length for the first year. We are now coming up on two years since meeting and are mad about each other.

It can work as long as you move slowly and expect nothing at all. Expect it to end, don't pin your hopes on anything but yourself. And see where it takes you

Original poster
NewLove · 30/09/2017 23:35

Well that's positive Beesandknees. I'm going into this expecting the worst and hoping for the best lol

OP posts:
JemDoughnut · 01/10/2017 16:08

I went on my first date with my OH 6 weeks after the end of a 4 year relationship (not my decision, took me completely by surprise). I was resolute that I was going to stay single and 'focus on me', but when I met him I couldn't not take a chance because of what I thought I 'should' do.

Been together 5 years now.

I second the advice to take it slow. This was probably the first relationship where I really thought about where it was going and what I wanted from the start (previously I'd just sort of fallen into relationships), I was very cautious and aware of my own feelings because I knew I was still a little vulnerable and broken, even if I wasn't feeling it.

RustyLeaf · 01/10/2017 16:53

I heard that it can work! That the rebound thing is a bit of a myth ...

I think it depends so much on where you're at.

Abbylee · 01/10/2017 17:03

Think about people who leave a relationship for another person? Sometimes those work, so why not "rebounds"? I think that you need to define "rebound" then decide if you are rebounding or simply beginning a new relationship? You left for good reason so it's a bit more simple that being tossed by a cheater with a preggers gf afterall.

Best wishes! Remember three month rule: at 3 months, the facade peels off and the real guy appears!

Original poster
NewLove · 01/10/2017 20:34

I need to start living by the 3 month rule...

OP posts:
rockabillyruby82 · 01/10/2017 20:47

In my experience, no.
I ended an 8 year relationship and months later met my ExH. I didn't fully realise at the time that I was still hurting from my break up, the person my ExH met was spontaneous, took risks and was on his wavelength. One (rushed) wedding and baby later I had PND and part of recovering from that was finally getting over my first love and finding me again, the independent won't be pushed around me. ExH didn't love me so much then and I realised I never really loved him, I just got swept along. My marriage ended badly 2 years ago.
In the last 2 years I haven't felt ready to meet someone else, I genuinely believe you need time to find and love yourself and the next person you meet will fall in love with the real you.
This is just my experience, I appreciate there are rebounds that work.

Me and my ExH were together 6 years, married for 4

fannythrobbing · 01/10/2017 20:52

I met my partner when I was a few weeks out of a 7 year relationship. We just chatted for ages, finally going on a date four months later. We've been together six years now and are expecting baby 2 in a few months. We also took it really slowly as we were both worried that I was just rebounding and would mess it all up but honestly it was all lovely from the beginning and I wouldn't change it!

beesandknees · 02/10/2017 00:42

Ime it's 12-24 months minimum before you start seeing the real person. Three months is nothing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page