Stuck in limbo

[ClayPigeon]

We were together three years and without wanting to sound melodramatic, he is the love of my life. He says he feels the same way about me. We both feel we won't ever meet anyone else we would click as well with. I miss his friendship and support as much as anything else.

My 9yo DD has some issues that have been going on a while. I wasn't handling it well, he wasn't handling it well. She doesn't like him or his DS. It all came to a head and we separated. But we have both acknowledged that it is not anyone's fault, just an unfortunate situation.

Since then, we have been in contact and met up a few times when we've not had our DC (difficult as I'm a lone parent so limited childcare and we live in different cities). When we do, we slip right back into being us and everything feels right. But it is bitter sweet as we always end up sobbing on one another over the fact that we can't be together properly. I don't even know what we are at the moment - I guess FWB although neither of us wants to date other people.

I don't know why I'm posting. I'm just so sad and hurt and I can't see a way forward. By meeting up and staying in contact, we're not moving on but I really don't want to move on, I just want him to come home.

This is going to sound really harsh, sorry. But it sounds like you're both dwelling on this star-crossed lover crap in order to distract you from the humdrum mundanity of every day parenting.

Your DD has issues, it sounds like his DS has issues maybe too. You need to concentrate on parenting them and think of something more positive to give you relief from that when available. EG when your DD is at her dads/GPs then concentrate on strengthening your existing social networks, e.g. girls nights, or take up a new hobby/study, or throw yourself into finding a new FWB, but one without feelings attached.

It's sad that your children are keeping you apart. Although being in different cities is probably a challenge in itself.

Thanks for the reply. Maybe you're right. I haven't ever experienced a split like this before. In all my previous relationships, they've treated me quite badly and there was usually some fault or blame and the split was most definitely for the best. This time, it was just circumstances out of our control. I wasn't ready for it to be over. I don't want this to be it but can't see a way forward either. We can't just keep meeting up once every few weeks forever.

Day to day I'm just getting on with it and we're not in contact except for the odd text. I know that I have to focus on DD (she probably has ASD which is why she struggled with him and his DS) but it's so much harder on my own. He was very supportive of me even though DD was awful to him. My DC are not currently seeing their dad although I'm not sat moping, I make the most of my time when they're asleep. But still, life was just better with him in it.

We were living together Sandy but he's moved back since we split. He's talked about moving to somewhere closer but money is an issue. It's difficult because I don't think DD will ever be able to accept anyone else in her life. And he was just so great. He put up with more than most people would.

I don't believe in soulmates, I thought I had found mine but after the first flush had worn off - usually around 5 years it was business as usual - boredom, cheating etc etc.
Not saying that would necessarily happen to you but love makes us silly and irrational.
You know the kids have to come first, it hurts badly right now but your children are more important.
If it is that great a romance you will both wait until the children issues have been resolved.

No, I don't believe in soulmates or 'the one' either. But we were very compatible and had so much fun together. He has the most amazing sense of humour, I've never laughed so much with anyone. And he was kind and supportive and did more housework than me. More than anything though, he made me feel good about myself.

It doesn't matter if there is someone else out there for me anyway. DD will not be able to cope with it and I doubt anyone would take us on with her issues. I have been trying to get help for her but it is not easy and painfully slow. I don't think it's fair to expect him to wait.