Relieved but gutted

[cheesecadet]

I can't work it out! I could've had a lovely second date tonight with someone that ticks all the right boxes, is lovely and really nice looking. But I don't want it!

I've been single for far too long and love my own company too much. I love watching TV by myself, eating by myself etc.

I've told him that I want to be on my own and can't see me wanting to be with anyone, he's been lovely about it.

I thought I was ready to dip my toe in but I'm not.

Thing is, will I ever want something with a man again, is anyone else like this?

I'm married, but I just wanted to say that I have a friend who is beautiful, clever, funny, successful and extremely popular. She has no interest in dating, but has the most amazing social life of anyone I know. It's a cliche, but she doesn't need a man to define her.

Do what makes you happy.

Yes. I have a friend like this. She likes her own company and doesn't like the thought of having to see a lot of someone or have them hanging around her house. You might feel differently in the future or you might not. Either is fine. Carry on doing what pleases you.

I’m like this. I’ve been single and not dating for about 6 years now. I don’t feel anything is missing and am very happy just doing my own thing.

It’s great! 😀

Hi Melvin, thank you!

I'm happy on my own but it bothers me that I'm like this, if you see what I mean?

What I could really do with is some sex once a week! But they'd have to be gone again after!!!

No I don't feel anything is missing apart from a right good sex session!

I'm sure cheesecadet plenty will oblige if you make that clear, many men feel this way too

yetmorecrap what saying 'come for sex but I want you gone after' haha!

I think you'd call it 'friends with benefits'!

At the moment this is me although I've only been single 6 months. I miss company sometimes, but I LOVE having my own life, my own tv time, my own EVERYTHING. I've been asked out a lot and all the guys I just say no to because I just don't want to share my life with someone. Not sure if it will change, but if you are happy as you are then that's all you need :)

Hmm, single now for almost 6 months and can safely state I will NEVER live with another man again. Loving just me and dc, doing what we want etc.
If I feel the need for a fb in the future then so be it but the more men I meet the more I realise they are not worth my time or effort. Op, you are perfectly normal, live the life that YOU want.x

cheesecadet you can easily get what you want as lots of guys want exactly that too. Get yourself on tinder and find a FWB - all the sex when you want it without a relationship.

However are you absolutely sure you want to let this lovely guy go and not give him more of a chance? I was in a similar situation and I now regard him as the one that got away.

Why on earth would you want a relationship if you're not wanting (more?) kids?

Just get out there and find a FWB, it will take less than a week. Put "Looking for fun!" in your dating headline and they'll be queuing out the door. Your only problem will be an aching fanny after auditioning them all

OP this was me too. Couldn't be effing bothered because everyone I met wants what I can't give them. I did have an FWB for a while, it's was good.

Then I met someone who doesn't want the full time thing. We are committed to each other but no plans to move on. Couple of nights a week and the odd trip here and there.

I'm a single mum and financially independent and have no plan for that to change any time soon.

You are fab! Don't worry about whether it "normal" or not, stop caring about what people think x

Olivia you've got me thinking now, he really does seem like a lovely genuine guy. But like I said to him, I don't want to mess him about any further.

Maybe I should suggest something casual and see what happens.

The exact same thing happened two years ago with someone else, and I often wonder if I should've given him a chance. He got with someone soon after.

Just be open and tell him you're not ready for a relationship but casual no strings sex is up for grabs if he's interested. Then go with the flow. You might develop feelings for one another or it might fizzle out after 6 months. Don't worry about what any one else is doing or what's 'normal' just focus on what's right for you and what will make you happy.

If he knows where he stands from the beginning then there's no problem.

That sounds very tempting Olivia, I'll see what he says!

Thanks everyone for the replies.

The only thing that I thought was weird is that on our first date he was asking what happened between me and my kids dad! I replied with I'm not hiding anything but it's not really a first date conversation. Why would he ask this?

I don't think that's unreasonable for him to ask but it's ok for you to say you're not ready to talk about it with him too obviously.

I'd want to know in case it was you who cheated, it was a recent break up, you were still married etc

Thanks for the advice Olivia, I see what you are saying. You see my break up wasn't a plain break up, it's a very long and complicated story, that's why I didn't go into it as I wanted to enjoy the date, and it would've taken up too much time. I think he must've been relieved at how long ago it was though.

I felt similar a few yrs ago. I escaped an abusive relationship and had months if him harassing and stalking me afterwards. Eventually he got bored and I discovered the wonderful delights of singledom

I went on dates and got into some short-term relationships along the forthcoming years, but I enjoyed my single life too much. Looking back I realise I only dated because I thought it was the 'normal' thing to do. People were constantly trying to set me up with someone and openly verbally pitied me for being alone.

Eventually I did meet my DH, totally by chance, and we did click in a way that I hadn't with anyone else. It developed and now we're married with kids. But I will admit to sometimes missing my single days. And if DH and I ever split I don't think I'd bother with dating or relationships again.

If you're genuinely happy being single, stay single.

I once had a friend who was highly successful in work, and just life in general. Independent and strong. But because she'd got to her 40s and never married she considered herself a failure and it really affected her confidence. She ended up having a gunshot sham marriage to blatant twat simply so she could feel she'd finally succeeded. I found that incredibly sad. He left just months into the marriage.

There's no shame in being single

Thanks Ghouls. Yeah I do need to accept that it's normal to single especially happily single.

And also yeah I agree in some ways that I have got what I needed from my ex husband (not that I was originally with him JUST because) -the children, why would I need a serious relationship now?