He doesn't want a relationship yet? Do I walk away

[moreginpleasex]

I'm in my early 20s and he is 29 we've been seeing each other since may but there has been times where we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.

When we met in may very stupidly I fell pregnant the first time we slept together. I took the morning after pill but it didn't work.
He was fine with whatever I wanted to do so I went ahead with an abortion.

We've carried on seeing each other we just went away for the weekend and we're going away in December for Christmas. He tells me he loves me very affectionate constantly touching me kissing me taking photos together.

He won't add me on any social media I asked him why he said because I will put photos on there. Which I wouldn't as I don't use Facebook myself I just like having a snoop now and again.

I tell him how I feel that I don't know where I stand with him but he keeps saying that he's not ready for a relationship yet as he was hurt previously.

He's everything that I look for in a guy he makes me laugh until my cheeks hurt as cheesy as that sounds.
We are both still on dating sites I would happily delete my profile but he still has his so what's the point.

He has promised me that he's not talking or sleeping with anyone else. I don't know where I stand st the minute do I just keep enjoying spending time with him? Or am I wasting my time and he probably won't ever be ready.

You're wasting your time.

And what's more, you're wasting too much time. It's October now and you're planning on going away at Christmas? By which time you'll have wasted 6 months on someone who literally won't even add you on Facebook.

He's told you bluntly you're not his girlfriend. Believe him.

You've been together for between 4 and 5 months. I'm not someone who rushes into things, but by this point I'd expect him to come off dating sites and acknowledge you as his girlfriend. Maybe give him a few more weeks but after that I'd say ditch him.

Walk away.

Maybe he's keeping you on side because of the abortion.

You are definitely wasting your time and will end up very hurt when he eventually introduces you to his girlfriend- if you're not his girlfriend then he'll consider himself single and will eventually meet someone and it'll be a complete shock to you.

Definitely just walk now.

He's not ready for a relationship but was happy to bring a child into the world?

At best this guy is an absolute tool. At worst he's married. Run away!

Sorry but he's wasting your time. I've been in your position before and found it demoralising and it really affected my self esteem.

I think the only way you can salvage this is to call his bluff and walk away. If he is into you, he'll make the effort and come running. If not, sadly that's your answer.

to you

It's so hard I walked away before and he contacted me again a week later and I'm back in the same position again.

He keeps telling me he doesn't want to get hurt again but I'm not convinced that you can stop yourself from wanting to be with someone regardless if you've been hurt before or not.

That old chestnut... he likes the drama and being in control of it.

If you really want to be with him (don't think you should though, other men who are not wankers are available!) give him an ultimatum and mean it. Full public relationship, dating profiles deleted.

OP, this guy is full of shit. He wants to keep you a secret for a reason, and whatever the reason is, it will not be good for you. I wouldn't put any store in whatever promises he's made either. In my experience actions speak louder than words. Just bin him and move on. Who needs this kind of shit?

He's being really honest with you - he doesn't want a committed relationship with you.

Can you be as honest with yourself? Is this enough for you?

If he's just "Mr Right Now" to you, fine. But you have to accept that he probably never will decide that he wants a committed relationship with you. It's possible he will, but unlikely.

If you want a committed relationship with someone, you could be stopping yourself from finding them, by being with him.

However, you are only in your early 20s, and you are having fun, and maybe you feel what he is offering is enough for you, right now.

Just always remember Maya Angelou's wise words, above.

I'm half-convinced we're seeing the same guy. But I've been seeing him since January 2016. It doesn't get better. I'm nearly two years in and he still doesn't want a relationship. No mention of me on social media. Friends don't know about me. Family don't know about me. Doesn't often go out with me in public. Doesn't hold hands in public etc.

I'm well aware there are probably a multitude of things going on with him, and although I love him, I've accepted this isn't going anywhere and in my head it's a "this'll do for now" situation. However, what I know I'm doing is, whilst with him, I'm blocking myself from meeting others and finding happiness.

I'm too far down the path. Don't make my mistakes, please.

You stupidly didn't fall pregnant, you stupidly neglected your sexual health with a someone you didn't and still don't know very well.

I'm not ready for a relationship is code for, he wants the benefits of a relationship (companionship and frequent sex) but the sole right to call the shots on whatever label you want to attach to what you are doing.

I suspect you are a side chick and he's keeping you purposely on the down low, so that you don't interfere with his other life. If you still insist on sleeping with him, then you really need to be a lot more responsible with your sexual health.

'Not ready for a relationship' is a don't go having expectations of me disclaimer. Setting up the defence of your behaviour before you've done anything, is always a bad sign.

I've been where you are OP and it doesn't get better. I wasted the best part of a year on him whilst he "wasn't ready for a relationship" and was then quickly sidelined when he met someone he was actually into. Turns out not being ready for a relationship actually meant I don't see myself having a relationship with you/I'm not that into you/you'll do until I find someone I actually want to be with.

I cut contact the same day I found him in bed with her. Years later he's still with her and I have a wonderful DP who knew from very early on that he wanted a relationship with me.

If you have your heart set on a sexually exclusive relationship, best look elsewhere. He clearly is.

Not - Perfect reply!

Walk away. You are wasting your time. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you now, he never will. What will happen is you will limp along with him waiting for the day he realises you are the one and then one day he will tell you he has met someone else who is, in fact, the one.

You are young. plenty of fish in the sea. Get out there and meet someone else who will want to be with you, tell the world about you, plan a future with you.

I've been where you are and 5 years late it was no different - the difference was though that although he wouldn't commit, others did know about me. Sounds to me that yours is leading a double life and is really married - why else wouldn't he want you to put up pics of him on SM?

Don't waste your time on someone who won't waste theirs on you...

Thanks everyone for the wise words I knew it deep down but was kind of hoping it would go somewhere as I've put time and money into it.

I have a date lined up for tomorrow so that will be nice. Feel so stupid putting things on hold for that idiot.

He's full of shit. He's a fuck buddy. That's all he is. If you're interested in a fuck buddy, by all means keep him in your life, if not, seriously, do yourself a favour and block him.

'I'm too far down the path. Don't make my mistakes, please.'

There's no such thing, Token, don't fall for the fallacy of sunken costs. You can't love anyone else if you won't love yourself first. He's using you, with your permission. Don't waste your life, we all get only one.

And money, more, c'mon, just stop that. If you're going to allow yourself to be played for sex, at least don't pay for it.

He pays for everything but I obviously paid for my half of the holiday. It's just a horrible thing to do to someone I've told him so many times how I feel and he just says one day when I'm ready. He's getting everything out of it sex, someone to talk to and do things with but he doesn't want to make it official.

Enough is enough i'm just glad I'm not to far in and it's easy enough for me to walk away.

I've done this to someone. It probably sounds really mean but he was convenient and seeing him was something to do. I would never go out with him in public unless it was far from where we lived and I didn't accept him on social media because I didn't want him commenting on my things or anyone knowing about him.

Now I've met someone I do like so have cut all contact with the other guy.

Read Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl. And then go NC. Your life will improve

He's messing you around. You deserve better. Walk away.