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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Telling someone your like them

47 replies

Olilou01 · 29/09/2017 23:47

Hi just looking for suggestions.

Today my co worker told someone I like them, his reaction was im flattered, no hint of but I've got a girl friend so tell her, no hint of hmm not my type so tell her, but he thanked her for telling him and said he had same situ before where he liked someone he couldn't tell them and added people should tell others how they feel.
Not bumped into him yet as I avoided our usual break time bumping into . I told her to tell him as I'm painfully unable to. Ps I have a scar on my face that stopped me due to rejection.

Any ideas if u think the above is a not interested.
Ps she said that when he knew it was me he was smiling an seemed happy abt it then went on to say the above.

Am I in or am I out of luck this time..

OP posts:
Olilou01 · 11/10/2017 12:24

someone tell me this then im confused.
Just saw him. He came out of carpark entrance. Im on otherside. Saw me an wlked to ashtrays stood facing me for few secs then went in but looked over glancin. I didnt look back but could see frm corner of eye. I was on phone. When i walked in .he is talking to girl on recpt. Watched me walk in . Dnt get it. Y keep lookin.

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 11/10/2017 12:54

No one here can answer these questions. The best thing you can do is speak to him yourself instead of having a go between like a teenager.

minmooch · 11/10/2017 13:14

Oh gawd this is rather excruciating to read.

All this second guessing is driving you mad. He’s got the message you like him. Now leave him be. If he likes you he will make it obvious and ask you out.

As it has been a couple of weeks now I would gently say he is not interested.

SendintheArdwolves · 11/10/2017 21:20

Honestly? He probably has started to feel really weird and uncomfortable around you.

A few weeks ago, he heard from a co-worker that you were attracted to him. He didn't discuss it further with the co-worker (what with him being, y'know, a grown-up not a teenager) and politely changed the subject.

Since then, you seem to have been doing a weird combination of ignoring him, then staring at him across the cafeteria like a deranged owl, so much so that other co-workers have commented on it. You have ducked out of times when you would normally speak to him, but also set great store by 'locking eyes' with him.

Now you spot him across a carpark. He looks at you, probably hoping to catch your eye and have some sort of normal interaction with you, to dispel the weird atmosphere and stop all the staring that's been happening. But you're on the phone, so he goes inside. He sees you come in, but is mid conversation, so merely makes eye contact again to acknowledge you.

I don't want to be cruel, but you really have got yourself in a right tizz - over-analysing everything he does, setting great store by "looks" and eye-contact, wondering what it all means, and "why he would look at you unless he liked you" etc.

Step away from the crazy. Have no doubt, he knows you fancy him. Try to behave normally for more than ten seconds at a time, and see if you and he can have some sort of conversation. And if not, then it wasn't meant to be.

Appuskidu · 11/10/2017 21:26

These are the sort of things my friends and I used to agonise over with boys. When we were 13.

You are massively overthinking every single interaction you have and are probably coming across as very odd at the moment.

BeachyKeen · 12/10/2017 21:52

He knows where you are, and that you are interested in him. If he wanted to take it further, he would have.
I'm sorry, but this sounds entirely one sided.

Justaboy · 12/10/2017 22:19

I wonder? - whats going on inside his head?

Why don't you ask him its not that difficult ask him out sometime it is 2017 not 1717 !.

Olilou01 · 31/10/2017 22:37

Updte. Today i ws outside with halloween hat on .. not seen him for few weeks. I was talking with co worker n he smiles stops n says ahhh laughs an sys halloween eh!. I saix well u gotta make an effort havent u. Then he stys to cht. I looked back at him an hes smilin at me. I got nervous an left. He doesnt stay where i am since been told . What u think going on in his mind. He broke the ice not me.

OP posts:
Olilou01 · 31/10/2017 22:38

He doesnt sty to chat but he did today .. am i still reading into it to much.

OP posts:
Olilou01 · 31/10/2017 22:50

U knw what forget the above. Im stupid an unadult. But u knw when u like what u like an stupid interactions do my head in. An i wish i didnt feel n e thing ......

OP posts:
Ttbb · 31/10/2017 22:54

If he's not interest then he's not interested (which seems to be the case). If he is interested-do you really have such low self esteem to want a man who would be interested in other women while he had a girlfriend? Hmm

Haffiana · 31/10/2017 23:10

He likes it that you fancy him, it makes him feel flattered. He isn't interested in you or he would have asked you out. Maybe he is married or in a relationship, or maybe you are not his type. However he can't help hoping that you still fancy him as it makes him feel good to think that you do. He doesn't want to go out with you.

So yes, you are reading stuff into it. Actions speak. If he wanted to go out with you or take anything further he would have asked by now. If you really wanted to know what he feels, or if you really wanted to know what he is like as a person rather than as a fantasy, then you would have asked him for a drink/coffee/whatever after work.

What do you imagine that you have to lose btw?

00100001 · 02/11/2017 07:54

Huh. Are you 12 OP??

Gre8scott · 02/11/2017 07:58

Why don't you use vowels. I cant read the posts

MorrisZapp · 02/11/2017 08:09

You say you have nobody to ask for advice. What does the lady you sent to tell him you like him think? You must know her pretty well to get her to do that.

In my experience 'I'm flattered' means thanks but no thanks.

Olilou01 · 21/12/2017 20:48

I saw him other day. I was outside he came out wemt to walk away but turned back an stood near me. Turned an smiled and stared lokked away then came back with a comment on my new top. I went to say thank u but he looked away. We stood there a while in silence. I ws to shy an shocked he spoke an stood by me. When he finished he walled to put cig out in ashtray furthest awsy but stopped near it. Turned back an came to the one by me. He stood for what felt like secs but ages i could feel his gaze as he stood there. then walked away. Wjrn he went to turn the corner he looked nack an said see ya. He never sys nye when he leaves when we meet. Am i still reading to much or hs he changed his mind since finding out i like him ?.. plese dnt reply neg comments just a simple asking for advice.

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 22/12/2017 05:21

I think he could like you. He's certainly not avoiding you and he is showing certain signs of encouragement although it's difficult to judge whether that's just because he likes that you like him or because he wants something more.
Next time he comes and stands with you try opening up a conversation - what's he doing for Christmas/ the weekend? How's work going? Where does he live? What's his journey into work like? That way you might find out a little more about him and whether he has a gf. if you find out he hasn't you could ask him out for a coffee or a drink after work?

RainyApril · 22/12/2017 06:25

He has known you like him for months and done nothing about it. I'm sorry but I don't think he can be interested.

If he is looking at you more, or talking to you more, it could be because he's flattered that you like him and enjoys the attention.

Best case scenario is that he's undecided and trying to get to know you a bit more, but you don't seem to be giving him much to work with.

LesisMiserable · 22/12/2017 07:15

Ohhhh so excruciating but also - me - even at 42 when I met now dh - we all turn into teenage girls sometimes, and whats wrong with that 💜

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/12/2017 08:38

So glad you said that Les, I'm about that age and just starting seeing someone. I am so nervous around him! Trying to pluck up courage to kiss him... Or at least let him close enough to me that he can kiss me. It's terrifying!

OP, he basically said to your colleague that you should tell him how you feel. Getting him into conversation would be a good start towards that. Or just ask him out, whichever feels easier.

Olilou01 · 23/12/2017 01:13

Maybe ur all right in a way. But thing thats bugging me most is that he looked back an said see ya. He didnt just walk off as previously. Looking back as its put is one last glance. Fact that he did it bugs me. Image in my head i can't throw away. I knw for sure im in love with a total stranger, he knws i like him but just doesnt knw how much. Not a stranger to heart break. 11 yrs with ex an a lil 9yr old boy. 5 yrs with one ive split with. Im scared if i tell him or try to talk that il sound stupid. Its like my body and voicebox seize up when i see hom an no matter how hard i try to speak im mute. 39 yrs old. Just wanna b happy an liking him from a distance stops any heartache to come. What if he is seeing someone an its a joke on my part. What if hes mr right. Maybe il never find out. Guess i could give briget jones a run for her money at present.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 23/12/2017 18:00

He looked back - take that as a good sign.

You're not in love, though, you hardly know him. You just fancy him - and if he turns out not to be anyone special (which is quite possible), then you'll be fine continuing your life just you and your boy.

Tell yourself this 100 times a day and then it won't seem such a big deal talking to him.

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